IT Meetings

Its 9.30 AM on a Monday and the steaming hot dosas i had for breakfast have kicked in and my eyelids seem to be putting on weight. I am, of course, in a meeting.. and if you are even somewhat familiar with the concept you would appreciate that of all the things you can do in a meeting, sleeping is not one of them. Especially when there are only 4 attendees. So I am looking straight at the chair of the meeting, and thinking, Wow! this is soo not a good time to fall asleep.. But i need to do something to stay awake. Maybe i should give my body bursts of 'eyes shut' time.. Coz really, sleeping is all about blinking reaaaalllyyy slowly... But how? Umm.. Be natural Vinod.. Thats the key... Blink slowly.... Yes... Oooh.. feels so good to have my eyes shut.. Is my manager looking at me? DAMN! DAMN! HE IS.. ABORT SLEEP.. EYES OPEN.. NECK STRAIGHTEN UP!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!!


"Aila!"

Something related to the discussion Mr. Einstein!
"I mean.... Ai.. I love this approach" Brilliant!
"Ok, then you take ownership for this task"
NAHEEE!


Meetings have such a soporific effect.. and the degree of sleepiness is in direct proportion to how much trouble you will get into if you do sleep. But just to clear the air for those with a non-IT background... And to my IT brethren, I am sorry i'm letting out this closely guarded secret.. But when an IT chap is having a meeting, he is either rambling on about something others dont care a donkey's tashreef for or is doing what i described in the opening para..Basically, he is killing time.

Again, i am in a mood to share with my readers today.. So, here is a glossary of IT terms, commonly heard in meetings, and what they really mean.. You will find it handy if you are serious about one of these meetings...

1. Take a call
Usage: I had to take a call and......
This phrase is used to convey that i know as much about the topic as i do about the Economy of Somalia (About which, you can read here... :) ) and the decision making was based on the time tested Inky Pinky Ponkey method.... and here the 'Father' in question is mine, and i am his only child. Hehehe..

2. Discuss offline
Usage: I think we should discuss this offline
This is the ultimate shield available to a speaker during a meeting... Once the speaker says this, you can be sure that he has followed the link above and that he is indeed more comfortable discussing the economy of somalia than your question.

3. Take ownership
Usage: I have taken a call on this and Vinod, you take ownership
Yeah, n go where? Anyway..
This means that you are the official scapegoat... You will soon realize that the hair on the back of your neck can sway as your manager breathes down it. And when the task is finally done, you are given the chance to applaud the visionary who assigned you this task. Brilliant!

4. Doosre way mein present karna...
Usage: Ruk.. shayad tumko clarity nahi aaya.. mein doosre way mein present karta hoon
Here the doosra, much like Murali's, is something no one follows, and finally, look like jokers trying to make sense of. The speaker doesnt know what he is talking about, and any questioning of this doosra will incur the 'Discuss offline' from Pt. 2



Hmm.. there is only so much i can document.. the rest need to be experienced.. LIVE!


PS:I think that this is amongst the most brilliiant pieces of text i could have put together... coz i have so effectively conveyed the sleepy nature of meetings that i am sure that most of the readers are already asleee...zzzzzz...

Once upon a time....

Umm... Never blogged earlier and starting to do so just makes me a feel a lil dull really... Not that i am the brightest around... But i'm rarely short of topics ... N now, this predicament... Imagine! 24 yrs of existence and not one topic with which i can open this blog.. Maybe its a writer's bloc.. No wait, i dont think i qualify... I need to be a writer for that first..

Working for an IT company has many sides to it... One the one hand, it helps India's population crisis with the liberal use of them lil boy-killers (lil boys aka cell propelled by a single flagellum, found in most animals).. The laptops... and if you are amongst the lucky ones who dont need to use a laptop for work, then the long hours will surely bust your back.. Well, thats a pretty good mechanism to control the population as well, if you ask me. But then, there is also money, the lure of an 'on-site'... Theres this guy i work with.. He joined this project i am in shortly after he was born and the first words the management spoke into his ears was onsite.. Poor chap... he's been slogging his tashreef off since.. Forget about going outside the country, he hasnt even gone outside Mumbai in the last 3 yrs.. lol... and its the same thing thats said to him everytime.. "Look, you gonna be onsite soon... so lets get this finished... and this as well.. and while you are at it, maybe u'd like to do a couple of back-flips for me and jump through this hoop as well"!! Poor chap!

I think this would do for a first post... And, to my only fan.. Pls keep in mind this is my first time... Oh my god.. tht sounds bad :).. okay anyway.. u get the idea...