Iss TV se mujhe bachao

It was around 10.30 and i got a call from Aanchal. Her first question as i er.. eagerly answered the phone was
"Hey, whatcha doing?"
I replied "Watching iss jungle se...".
Her curious voice prodded "Why?"

I tell ya..16 yrs of education, 4 yrs of engineering and bluffing my ass off in vivas, doing much the same in all the status meetings i attend these days and all i could come up with was "Dunno.."

At that precise moment, i felt the helplessness A-jinx-yeah feels when he faces up to Shreeshant's hapless seam bowling! I guess there must be some such thing as getting addicted to something that makes you want to pull out each hair on ur arm, smile through the ordeal and come back for some more!!! Oh wait, thats waxing and something girls do all the time.. So well, its like.. like.. er.. pulling out your eyebrows.. er not this as well.. er.. its like.. ... ... damn you girls!


Coming back to Iss jungle se, it is touching to watch people eat worms and have snakes crawl up their trousers for the sake of their families.. I mean Chetan gobbling up worms quicker than i could ever gobble up chicken does cry out "Anything for you son" much louder than it cries "Anything for you money". His priorities are something I understand and respect.. But why on earth is he maligning Superman and Spider man... The guy  screams out "I am Spider Man" with pride on his face commonly found amongst Nobel laureates.. I think he has taken the Spider bit in Spider Man a little too seriously.. Look bro, despite being "Spider" man, Peter Parker eats burgers and sandwiches.. He does the shooting webs and crawling up buildings part, but he doesn't prey on worms and flies. Take a cue..

Oh, and yeah.. If Yuck-as-beep had a rupee for each time he cussed angrily... He would have been one rich *&$#*&#$##$#&*

This reality TV crap is the in thing right now.. Every channel has 10 on air.. From abusing bikes to abusing fellow contestants, reality television seems to be catching on.. Most channels are neck and neck with the TRPs.. Except Star Plus, who are head and shoulders above the others.. The reason you ask? The package deal I say... Mind It!

Now here is the package deal - Be a contestant on Sach ka Saamna, strip naked in front of a million television viewers (yeah, the Star guys paid me to put down that figure.. left to me, I'd count 7.. no, 5) get that happy marriage on the rocks, and move to the adjacent studio for the shoot of Aap Ki Kachehri with Kiran Bedi, where you can discuss the secret bank accounts, countless girlfriends and aborted pregnancies you willingly declared...

Last I heard, they are planning to launch a match-making show to preceed Sach ka Saamna.. Thats when its really gonna get crazy! The family court in Bandra is gonna be one helluva busy place!

Ridiculous displays of idiocy

The last month has been great for the idiot box.. It has taken idiocy to a whole new level, which leads me to believe that idiotic is the way to go(which would explain a lot i see in office off-late)! Take that item girl getting married show for starters.. I don't know why they have a show on air showing us stuff we already know - that she doesn't mind being bedded by a guy she has only just met (and that some guys would go to any lengths for it), and that she can't act.. and in case you haven't seen the show yet, PLEASE DO.. At least once. There is this fat guy.. mid to late 30s.. with a paunch.. and what looks like a receeding hairline hosting it. And i kid you not, his expression reminds me of a daily morning chore.. which went awfully wrong.. add to this her melodrama when she is asked about her past.. Melodrama that would easily put one of those (flopped) movies from the 1940s to shame and what you get is a headache larger than the hosts paunch! Hey Ram!

I think the only greater source of melodrama than her are those telugu/ tamil movies that are aired on Set Max! They manage to take it to levels the written word just can't capture.. Its like they challenge her to be more melodramatic, and the moment she matches them, they just take it to an all new level and mock her from there... Much like the Roddick-Federrer game... Anyway... Talking about discarded celebs, there is a whole bunch of them who have been ostracized. I think the plan was to dump them in a jungle and flee.. But some producer went like "Wait a min.. How about a quick buck? Why not have a show on this? Lets see whats needed.. Sets? No need.. Sex appeal.. Yes, we'll make them bathe in the open... But how do i get returns on this? Of course, the batheing beauties will bring in the moolah.. And I'll get Mini Mathur and an over excited failed stand up comic to host it.. I'll make the celebs eat worms and have snakes crawl up their trousers for laughs. That oughta make me feel good anyway.. And perverts will watch the show!" (Here i need to add: DISCLAIMER: I watched the show only outta curiosity, and since i am not a cat, its pretty safe.. blah!) He imagined a lot of drool worthy stuff, as young celebs bathe in the open... Their wet bodies in the skimpiest of batheing suits.. But the guy who selected the celebs just spoilt it for everyone i tell you.. For what he gave us was Palak and Fiza, and a bunch of candidates for 40-plus capsules.. Palak batheing in a.. hold your breath.. swim suit, with her fat hanging off the sides.. is a strong tool to counter the popularity of swimsuit calendars, and can at best, turn on a mboscodictiosaur.. And Fiza strutting around, like she were 20 again, the less said the better.. The producer prolly gave Mr. (in) fidel cast-ro a free hand thinking young girls in swimsuits can never be a bad thing.. well Mr Producer, we now have evidence that you were, in fact, wrong! And Mr. Cast-ro, 40 isn't really young you know...

In related news, all the female folk in the jungle (which includes some species of monkeys, apes and all the female adivasis there..) are keeping a safe distance from the camp.. I wonder why though.. Why are they sooo scared to tread near the celebs? Let me see that list of names again.. Akashh Deep Saigal, Aman Verma, Marrr.... Aah!! No wonder...