My Name is Can't (act, that is!)

SRK and his fans please skip this post (Yeah, i believe SRK is an invisible follower of this blog)

So I went to watch My Name is Khan... All the controversy about the film made the democrat inside me wake up and take notice. I didn't see anything wrong in what SRK had said, and wanted to express solidarity by watching the film. Having said that, I'm no brave-heart, and I tread towards the box office with caution, despite there being more cops there than movie goers. Besides, the film had a 5 star rating from TOI!

5 stars??? boss, watch this movie and you will realize it's time TOI gets blacklisted; they should be, for giving MNIK a 5 star rating. But then maybe they meant the 5 rupees 5-Star.. coz this movie is worth only those 5 bucks. I guess Shiv Sainiks got a sneak preview of this film and decided Mumbai-kars should not be subjected to this.. And boy, if I ever catch hold of the reviewer, I'm gonna feed him some of the food from my canteen! That oughta teach him! But you never know, if he has loved the film, he may just enjoy it!

The movie is awfully boring... slow.. and goes no where... it felt much like being constipated.. You just sit there, while nothing much happens. You are hopeful that fortunes will change and that something will please you, but are disappointed time and again, as you go through an ordeal! SRK tries to portray the aspie something something syndrome patient, but comes across as comical, at best. He speaks like a robot for no apparent reason, freaks out like he'd seen Karan Johar in bed with a girl from time to time, and generally seems a total misfit.

Apparently, he is supposed to have trouble socializing and in recognizing and displaying emotions. If this is the character they wanted to portray, they should have roped in Chandrachur Singh.... it would have come to him naturally.. And if they wanted to cast someone to fall in love with a looney, then they should have roped in one of those contestants from that reality show.. some dimwit getting married.. what's the name of that chap?? Well, i guess you know! But, to their credit, I did feel like I was inflicted with Asperger's syndrome... there was no interesting point in the film I wanted to discuss, I felt no emotions except an overwhelming sense of boredom, and in general, I was clumsy with my popcorn coz I was dozing off!

Picture this... SRK zips across the US of A to save a family in the eye of hurricane Katrina. His immediate friends and family also have no trouble reaching the eye of the storm.. They see him on TV, and bang! two seconds later, they are wading through waist deep water.. risking their lives (???).. with rations in hand. You know what they say... No hurricane shall keep thy protagonist and anyone important in thy plot away from ground-zero. And while Mr. Khan, who by the way, is not a terrorist and co. hastily rebuild the threatening-to-collapse church, no one thinks of evacuating these chaps using the same hurricane resistant mode of transport they used to get there faster than a speeding train! (One of those high-speed French ones, not our 80 kmph Virar fast)

In the end, they show SRK meeting, what looked to be a guy acting like Obama.. hard to say.. the actor had way too much personality!

My name is Krishnadas, and I am not gonna watch another SRK-KJ combo.

V.I.Pees

There was a lot of activity in parliament over the past week with Chidambaram planning to review the security provided to VIPs. India has nurtered a VIP culture, where becoming a politician (in any of its flavous) gives you a lifetime of govt funded security.. Well, not so much govt funded coz all that money (atleast most of it) comes from our pockets.. Its shocking how so many people, of little or no significance get the best of protection.. Cops, commandos.. the works..

Circa Nov 2008.. I was touched when I read about Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who laid down his life for us... Pictures of him draped in the tri-colour while his mother, despondent and inconsolable wept her heart out, lurk in my memory, and come to haunt me often.. The valour and bravery of a man, from the most elite force in the country, was on display even as he breathed his last.. His death is a loss to this country.. Something i wished hadn't happened.. But sometimes... somewhere... deep inside i am glad he got a chance to become a martyr.. Because a brave Major like him dreams of laying down his life for the country.. And when he is instead made to run after beacon flashing vehicles opening doors and saluting people who have several criminal cases against them, his soul languishes... It is one thing to be pressed into service, protecting statesmen of repute.. And a totally different matter to be tailing politicians who are in politics to make money... There are countless other soldiers out there.. wishing that this humiliation of their skills ends and they get a chance to prove their mettle..

I was shocked when NDTV ran a programme on VIP security.. The number of personnel deployed for the secuity of some politicians defies all logic.. Like Shivraj Patil, for example, has more than 200 personnel deployed for his security.. If the 200 of them stand in a circle around him they'll cover half of Kalina... Now I can understand such a large number of personnel to protect someone like Jayalalitha, because of the much larger expanse (hehe!).. but this chaps lanky! Anyway, 200! and the government spends upto 50,000 on each one of them a day! Even Varun Gandhi has 30 guys protecting him, and all he had to do was to rant and rail..I have a hate speach handy.. And any time i feel threatened, i'll just scream it out at Shivaji Park and get 30 of my own!

There is also He-who-must-not-be-named-in-Mumbai who gets the best security for beating people black and blue, torching vehicles, and generally putting up a strong display of gunda raj..

Our man Chidambaram though has refused cover.. despite the fact that this review of VIP security means there are some 430 really pissed VIPs (Out of whom, 200 have little or no threat at all!) gunning for his head.. He seems to back himself to fold his mundu in half in a nano second and put in a 100m sprint that'd put Usain Bolt to shame in case any of these 430 decide to act on their anger...



PS: Got all the figures from here: http://www.ndtv.com/news/india/govt_reviews_security_for_vips.php