News hour @ 10

So i was home early today and was feeling a little too lazy to get up and do something productive. My dad was watching one of those News Hour @ 10 kind of program. Hosted by NDTV it was i guess, and the topic for the day was the minister slapping the bank manager.

It is amazing how the media can discuss (or disguzzz from my mallu roots) something that took less than a second to execute, over a span of an entire hour. I mean really.. Here is what transpired... Only i have this shocking and exclusive audio footage.. Oh crap! I think I have ODed on news channels today!

Min: You give loan

Mgr: No

WHACK!!!

Mgr: Boo hoo

Min: Hehehehahaha

That’s all.. and yet they have their panelists in place, the anchor looks like he has been called by loan recovery agents, the same slap is being shown over and over again.. Lest people forget what a slap looks like. And i kid you not, no matter which news channel you follow, whatever be the topic, you have those few fixed stereotypical panelists:

1. Mr I-stepped-on-crap-expression (iSoce) - This chap is disgruntled. Whether you discuss Pamela Anderson, the Chandrayan mission, or the Maid-in-India case, he is always whining. umm.. Maybe whinny the pooh would have been more apt...
With Pamela, this dudes like 'Oh no.. She is always in a bikini'

Well, if a guy can complain about that, there ain't much he can't complain about.

2. Mr. Shout Indian - He just shouts.. It doesn’t really matter if anyone’s listening, or whether someone else is talking. I am sure pulling him off air is not an option.. If anything, maybe the intensity of the shouting will increase... Probably why this chap is never in the studio.... Smart asses these media guys are I tell ya!

3. Mr. Jeeves - Well, as the name Jeeves would suggest, this chap is all class and decorum. He never speaks, except for taking the name of the presenter much like this "Arnab... Arnab... Arnab... May i spee.. Arnab... Mr. Shouter... I think you should let me.. Arnab... Mr. Shouter May i please...."

4. Mr Laffs a lot - This chap contributes nothing, and is really there to entertain himself. What he does is spark off a fight between iSoce and Mr. Shout Indian.. and then all he will do is look into the camera and smile.. and smile some more when Jeeves is on the brink of tears.


The ring master in this hopeless circus of intellectual dimwits is the anchor. And again there are three types here:

The first type doesn’t know what is happening around him, and can’t control the fight. He barely keeps the panelists from coming to blows with each other, and speaks in a meek voice.

The second type is the cop – he controls the fights and no one gets hurt bad.

The third type shouts louder than Mr. Shout Indian… He works with CNN-IBN and ruptured his ear drum in a stint he had co-hosting with Rajdeep Sardesai.