This and that

Its been a dull week for me.. Nothing much happening basically... Its just work, work, pacify a crying baby and then work some more. I have been given a role upgrade which means that i can now assign tasks to others and take crucial decisions such as when they will reach office and when they get to go home. So far they are pretty happy, except for an attempt on my life and a lot more cussing that is audible to me.. I can't help it really. I dont get to decide the target.. My manager gives me an unrealistic target, and I give him unrealistic claim vouchers.. Tit for tat!

So anyway, I realized that in all my posts, i had never really introduced myself.. So here goes.. I'm Vinod... Vinod Krishnadas.. Mumbai-kar born into a mallu family.. 24 yrs old (if it is still 2009 :) ) and working.. I own a car and live largely on sponsorships, mainly from my principal sponsor - a Non-Profit Institution that is my dad. I fancied being a stand up comedian but was told to sit down, hence the job in IT. I think i'm a run-of-the-mill guy, with an average everything (except a marginally (we'll argue later) above average waist-line and marginally below average intelligence) Aanchal begs to differ on the latter.. But then, i haven't even met her formally. She'll have plenty of opportunity to change.. er.. correct her opinion.. No one can argue about the former.

I'm uncomfortable talking about myself.. and am gonna close this post here..

Till I can think of a topic.. Cya

PS: Suggestions are welcome.

Bar-burr

I'd been to the barber's recently.. I dont like to comb my hair.. so i get a self combing hair cut all the time.. which means that there is just enough hair to cover the brown and yet not enough to warrant a comb.. As you can imagine, i end up visiting the friendly neighborhood barber quite often.. This is an incident which happened some one n half yrs back..


In my college days, i didn't earn much.. There is only so much you can extort outta your dad.. and i always fancied a 'herbal head massage' after a good hair cut.. but never ever got one coz for the price of one i could watch half a movie with my girlfriend, and i figured i could get the head massage after the movie for free from her anyway.. ;)

But a break up and higher disposable income (i earn now..) meant i could finally get one... I was working, there were tensions in my mind.. and i felt i had earned my massage.. My college days were largely stress free, and i had heard you need tensions to enjoy a massage. So i got myself a new girlfriend and a project with tight deadlines.. I was now ready to enjoy a good massage.


I was now at the barber's.. awaiting my turn... When my turn did come, i told him to give me a medium trim (i wanted to get to the massage without too much time passing) The hair cut was done soon enough..


"Saab aur kuch"
"haan.. head massage pls"
"Ail?"
"Huh"
"Ail kaunsa?"
"kaunsa hai?"
"Navratan aur Kings.. Space-al delukjh"
Navratan is the brand AB endorses.. So i figured, i'd go in for the true desi stuff.. the stuff that can make your worries melt away.. Kings.. rather than give in to corporate marketing strategy making up for a poor product..
"Kings dedo"


and boy did he give it to me.. I got a truck load of 'ail' on my head.. followed by a hammering.. and then some more bludgeoning.. exactly where he had poured what smelt like camphor mixed with rotten fish! Then i get a slap on the back of my head.. he also threw in a punch for good measure... I start to turn to confront the guy and i feel hands holding me by the jaw and twisting my head as if the sole intention was to rip it off.. I heard my neck going CRACK! with the stunt, and before i could yelp out, he twisted it the other way round.. I tell ya, if it were Sunny Deol in Aaj ka, Kal ka, Parson ka or Kabhi ka bhi Arjun, i would have dropped dead after letting out a meek 'Aaa'.. I however, survived.. He then proceeded to try and Neutralize me ala Spock from Star Trek.. with his vice like grip on my collar bone.. Now, if you wondering why i havent protested to this guy yet.. pls realize.. i am in a state of shock! I am getting the mauling of my life.. and to rub salt in the wounds.. i am paying for it.. and enduring it willingly! It then dawned on me.. The reason you forget your tensions when you get one of these is that survival instincts are the strongest.. and you end up racking ur brains for ways to get outta this!


After he had battered my head, shoulders and hands, he whispered?


"Maseen?"
Surely a machine will not be soo brutal... So, in all my wisdom "Haan!"


He brought out what looked like a stun gun, wore it on his palm and aimed.. I almost ducked, only to realize he wasn't (thankfully) going to blow my head off.. The machine vibrated, and he moved his palm over my rather sore scalp..
Not bad... This does feel pretty good...

Its like i had spoken too soon. Coz he did something i was not prepared for.. In fact, you cannot prepare for this.. He stuffed his finger into my ear in one easy motion, and started wiggling it around.. YUCK!!!! I almost jumped out of my chair... I told him that i'd pass the finger in ear massage.. I was mad by this point! All i wanted was a head massage.. and he was in my ears already.. My ears had been intruded into.. I didnt wanna risk him stuffing his fingers up my nose next!


I stood up.. paid for a months haircut and a spanking of a lifetime.. and left...


I was missing hair.. smarting from the assault and smelling like mithi river... I was also poorer and looking like i just got off a Gareeb Rath from UP to Mumbai... All my tensions were long forgotten..


Just thinking of getting another massage sends a shiver down my spine.. Bar-burr!!!

Yeh Swapna hi hain

My ni(e)ce was named yesterday.. We had a naming ceremony at my place, with all my relatives coming over. The aunts and uncles thronging to see the first in my family's third generation. I was busy running around arranging things, but would always steal some time to be be with Nano, who was really enjoying the attention she was getting. She had captivated her audience with her range of expressions, starting from the wide eyed gaze, which meant she was in a playful mood and was seeking out the right company, to her i've just crapped look, which meant, well, that she had... And Its always so amazing to hear adults near kids.. I dont know what it is about these tiny tots that makes ppl speak like they have some severe form of retardation. I mean you'd never hear an adult go, Hi, how do you do.. with a kid.. Its always alululululu and cho chweet and.. you get the idea.. Even old uncles, who have never been known to smile would be grinning and speaking in totla fashion that'd put Bawa caricatures to shame..

Now, for those not familiar with the mallu ways of things, mamas rule (yeah, thats me!) We are the ones who get to name the kid, to feed her her first food.. Basically if you are a mallu kid, better be good with your mama.. My sister was gung-ho about the name Swapna, and i liked it as well. She's named her Swapna after a close friend Swapna, whom she almost idolizes. So with mama's approval, the name was finalized, and i was excited at the prospect of being at the helm.. What i didn't realize was that where tradition had made me the take the 'Seat of Honour', it made me do so shirtless, and wearing a Mundu.. YIKES!! And wearing a trouser underneath just makes it look really awful.. So basically... When i was in the mundu, there wasn't a second line of defense, except at er.. at sensitive installations..


The ceremony was a simple one.. The bua puts on her ornaments.. I then take her name thrice in each ear after calling out Parvati into each ear first.. When i call out the name, my sister covers the other ear with a betel leaf, and once this is done, I announce the name to everyone else. Then i feed her some stuff mixed in milk.. more symbolically than anything else.. and after me, all the others take turns doing this, calling her by her name, all while i hold her.



Anyway, all this holding and shifting with my hands busy holding her had sent my confidence (about the mundu) for a walk, and standing up, all i could hope for was the mundu would stay out on my waist. The prospect of me doing a John-from-dostana was seeming increasingly imminent.. along with the ceremony ending up with an 'A' rating (Yeah, the entire thing was taped.. and my mundu was about to "go down in history") And there really is no comeback from ur mundu falling off.. Even the lil kid Swapna would have laughed her matchbox size ass off! Thankfully, the mundu didnt let me down..


Alls well that ends well!