Bar-burr

I'd been to the barber's recently.. I dont like to comb my hair.. so i get a self combing hair cut all the time.. which means that there is just enough hair to cover the brown and yet not enough to warrant a comb.. As you can imagine, i end up visiting the friendly neighborhood barber quite often.. This is an incident which happened some one n half yrs back..


In my college days, i didn't earn much.. There is only so much you can extort outta your dad.. and i always fancied a 'herbal head massage' after a good hair cut.. but never ever got one coz for the price of one i could watch half a movie with my girlfriend, and i figured i could get the head massage after the movie for free from her anyway.. ;)

But a break up and higher disposable income (i earn now..) meant i could finally get one... I was working, there were tensions in my mind.. and i felt i had earned my massage.. My college days were largely stress free, and i had heard you need tensions to enjoy a massage. So i got myself a new girlfriend and a project with tight deadlines.. I was now ready to enjoy a good massage.


I was now at the barber's.. awaiting my turn... When my turn did come, i told him to give me a medium trim (i wanted to get to the massage without too much time passing) The hair cut was done soon enough..


"Saab aur kuch"
"haan.. head massage pls"
"Ail?"
"Huh"
"Ail kaunsa?"
"kaunsa hai?"
"Navratan aur Kings.. Space-al delukjh"
Navratan is the brand AB endorses.. So i figured, i'd go in for the true desi stuff.. the stuff that can make your worries melt away.. Kings.. rather than give in to corporate marketing strategy making up for a poor product..
"Kings dedo"


and boy did he give it to me.. I got a truck load of 'ail' on my head.. followed by a hammering.. and then some more bludgeoning.. exactly where he had poured what smelt like camphor mixed with rotten fish! Then i get a slap on the back of my head.. he also threw in a punch for good measure... I start to turn to confront the guy and i feel hands holding me by the jaw and twisting my head as if the sole intention was to rip it off.. I heard my neck going CRACK! with the stunt, and before i could yelp out, he twisted it the other way round.. I tell ya, if it were Sunny Deol in Aaj ka, Kal ka, Parson ka or Kabhi ka bhi Arjun, i would have dropped dead after letting out a meek 'Aaa'.. I however, survived.. He then proceeded to try and Neutralize me ala Spock from Star Trek.. with his vice like grip on my collar bone.. Now, if you wondering why i havent protested to this guy yet.. pls realize.. i am in a state of shock! I am getting the mauling of my life.. and to rub salt in the wounds.. i am paying for it.. and enduring it willingly! It then dawned on me.. The reason you forget your tensions when you get one of these is that survival instincts are the strongest.. and you end up racking ur brains for ways to get outta this!


After he had battered my head, shoulders and hands, he whispered?


"Maseen?"
Surely a machine will not be soo brutal... So, in all my wisdom "Haan!"


He brought out what looked like a stun gun, wore it on his palm and aimed.. I almost ducked, only to realize he wasn't (thankfully) going to blow my head off.. The machine vibrated, and he moved his palm over my rather sore scalp..
Not bad... This does feel pretty good...

Its like i had spoken too soon. Coz he did something i was not prepared for.. In fact, you cannot prepare for this.. He stuffed his finger into my ear in one easy motion, and started wiggling it around.. YUCK!!!! I almost jumped out of my chair... I told him that i'd pass the finger in ear massage.. I was mad by this point! All i wanted was a head massage.. and he was in my ears already.. My ears had been intruded into.. I didnt wanna risk him stuffing his fingers up my nose next!


I stood up.. paid for a months haircut and a spanking of a lifetime.. and left...


I was missing hair.. smarting from the assault and smelling like mithi river... I was also poorer and looking like i just got off a Gareeb Rath from UP to Mumbai... All my tensions were long forgotten..


Just thinking of getting another massage sends a shiver down my spine.. Bar-burr!!!