On this trip to Kerala, I travelled second sleeper, and while that isn't generally a good thing given the funny smells in the tunnels, it is particularly good if you wanna meet some interesting characters, or if the people you are travelling with are deodorantly impaired, in which case you'd eargerly await the tunnel...
I reached the station quite early, and was in a different compartment than the rest of my group. The plan was to swap seats with some other passenger so that I could travel with my group. I was seated, looking out of the window, when this decent looking young chap - hair combed back with a generous portion of coconut oil, chandan tikka on his forehead and a token mustache (Token because it was a thin one... hard to spot against his dark skin) approached me..
"40... Aaa... here here... come" Then pointing... "Are you sitting saar?"
Looking around "Apparently.." hehe..
"Eh?"
"Yes, yes, I am sitting" Whats wrong with me?? "Er.. this is my seat..."
"Saar this is my anti sir.. She is in other side of the coach... Can you please eschange sir?"
Anti? Why is she anti?
"Er... OK... but is it a reserved berth?"
"Yes sir.. Completely reserved. See actually sir, she wants to sleep with me.. or any other man from the family begoz my uncle is not there... and she always sleeps with someone or the other when she travels..."
My eyes nearly popped out!!! You know you look at a person and can never say.... I am surely anti-her...
"Uh! I mean, yeah sure, I'll move.."
I promptly moved out. I didn't wanna risk her making her moves on me... A young, handsome, charming, intelligent and accessible (Mr. Potharaju, make your gal pals read this line 3 times over) guy on his way to scrub his paaps off... The berth i moved to happened to be a side berth, and sitting opposite me was a very earnest looking chap who had his back pack clutched tightly against his er... bosom.
"Hi.. I just moved here from 40" Pointing to the other end of the coach..
"Aa"
Now mallus know all about this "aa". Most south indians do in fact.
Northies, "aaaa'" is like a wild card. Other than its use as a filler, it could mean
1. Yes - "aa" (very brief)
2. Ability to understand - "aa" (very brief, repeated with shaking of head like we'd say 'no')
3. Showing recognition - "aaaa" (high pitch)
4. Showing circumspection - "aaaa" (low pitch)
Silence....
"I aam into durbines disine.. Jusdai came faar interview"
"oh.. cleared it?"
"aaaa" (low pitch) "aa.. I think thaad should be ogay"
"Nice..."
Just then the pantry guy came over...
"Rise.. Lunge"
I was about to.. then stopped "No, my group has made arrangements for me.."
Mr. Durbine: "aa.. rice... saat mein zimble mein kya ae"
Sounds like hindi... Hard to tell...
"wet-a-bull?"
WET-A-BULL??? What the hells that?
I scanned my mallu vocab.. Vetta means cut... but bull? er.. should i ask him.. Naah, let Mr. Durbine here ask him...
"aa.. aa.. wet-a-bull baiya"
Baiya.. hehe...
10 mins of wondering, and almost asking Mr. Durbine what wet-a-bull was and the pantry guy comes over, gives the guy a vegetable - rice meal, and leaves...
I went looking for my group.. I soo needed to laugh..
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
...and back!
Note: Not anything like my other posts...
Its been over 41 days of penance, introspection, fasting and single minded devotion.. days spent hungry, spent as a hermit, as you cleanse yourself and dream of the day that you will get darshan of the Lord at the place where he took Samaadhi - Sabarimala. Negotiating the steep climb, as stones prick your bare feet, climbing 3 hours chanting His praises, and then the long wait for that elusive darshan.. Its just a couple of seconds you get in front of the sanctum sanctorum.. but that suffices.. 41 days for a few seconds, and yet it is sooooo worth it.
I started my journey with a lot of things on my mind, things that bothered me, things that i wished i hadn't done. Lord Ayappan is said to a Kalyug Vardan, which translates into "Boon for the Kalyug" (A period of time where moral values take a backseat and everyone is in pursuit of material happiness) He welcomes those who have sinned and are repenting it with His arms wide open, and gives them the strength to not tread that line again. He has been kind to me, and as an immediate token of forgiveness has granted me something I prayed for every day during my Vrath. A very wonderful person I know, whose marriage was long delayed got married on 27th, the same day that I climed Sabarimala.
Its nice to be back... and its nice to know that wedding bells are ringing for a person I really love a lot.
Its been over 41 days of penance, introspection, fasting and single minded devotion.. days spent hungry, spent as a hermit, as you cleanse yourself and dream of the day that you will get darshan of the Lord at the place where he took Samaadhi - Sabarimala. Negotiating the steep climb, as stones prick your bare feet, climbing 3 hours chanting His praises, and then the long wait for that elusive darshan.. Its just a couple of seconds you get in front of the sanctum sanctorum.. but that suffices.. 41 days for a few seconds, and yet it is sooooo worth it.
I started my journey with a lot of things on my mind, things that bothered me, things that i wished i hadn't done. Lord Ayappan is said to a Kalyug Vardan, which translates into "Boon for the Kalyug" (A period of time where moral values take a backseat and everyone is in pursuit of material happiness) He welcomes those who have sinned and are repenting it with His arms wide open, and gives them the strength to not tread that line again. He has been kind to me, and as an immediate token of forgiveness has granted me something I prayed for every day during my Vrath. A very wonderful person I know, whose marriage was long delayed got married on 27th, the same day that I climed Sabarimala.
Its nice to be back... and its nice to know that wedding bells are ringing for a person I really love a lot.
Friday, September 25, 2009
What do you think?
I remember watching a Russell Peters stand up act.. He was speaking about how the media puts ideas into your mind, without you even realizing wat is going on. I was in splits as he gave his examples.. The first one was of showing really angry arabs hurling abuses at US and then showing the 9/11 attacks.. And he says the media questions implicitly,
"What do ya think?"
Taking the same thought forward, here are few grouped (hypothetical) headlines based on Mr. Kirsten's popular (with the players anyway!) dossier encouraging them to indulge in activities that cause flowers to rub together, the sun to set and the camera to go out of focus.
Gary Kirsten suggests sex to improve performance.
Ever-diligent Gambhir out with a groin strain!!
What do you think?
Gary Kirsten suggests sex to improve performance.
Dravid really excited about being back in the team.
What do you think?
Gary Kirsten suggests sex to improve performance.
Dhoni emphasizes on "Team-work"!!
What do you think?
One way or the other.. I hope the guys stay on top... er... in the rankings, that is.
"What do ya think?"
Taking the same thought forward, here are few grouped (hypothetical) headlines based on Mr. Kirsten's popular (with the players anyway!) dossier encouraging them to indulge in activities that cause flowers to rub together, the sun to set and the camera to go out of focus.
Gary Kirsten suggests sex to improve performance.
Ever-diligent Gambhir out with a groin strain!!
What do you think?
Gary Kirsten suggests sex to improve performance.
Dravid really excited about being back in the team.
What do you think?
Gary Kirsten suggests sex to improve performance.
Dhoni emphasizes on "Team-work"!!
What do you think?
One way or the other.. I hope the guys stay on top... er... in the rankings, that is.
Monday, September 21, 2009
O-numb! celebrations
My mom insisted i join her for the Onam celebration held here by one of the mallu associations. Now, I have almost never enjoyed them, coz they are the second most boring affairs, after
1. The meetings i attend on a daily basis and
2. Lux Perfect Bride..
And I sure wasn't planning to invest 4 hrs to hear out-of-tune singing, have an insipid lunch and return after having gone over my academic background, current occupation and answering the ever challenging "where.. ..in 5 yrs?" question, over 40 times... I declined. She asked again. I declined. She pulled out the heavy artillery with the emosanal atyachar "Can't you come along for my sake?" I declined, asking if she'd go front row for a rock concert, just for my sake... silence ensued....
But with Nano and all the sleepless nights mom has, taking care of her, i agreed.. Plus my i-call-her-aunt aunt and her niece (I went to watch my aunt.. not her niece, just to clarify!) were in a couple of traditional dances, which i did wanna see.. and she requested me to get it recorded. So, handy-cam in tow, i set out.. braving the prospect of yawning my jaws off, once the dances are done. The traditional dances are always nice, and the other performances are well, as much excitement as a Namibia - Bermuda cricket encounter held in Turkmenistan..
But boy! Was i wrong! The entire programme was awesome. There was tons of participation from the kids, and suddenly, the average age of a participant had plummeted from 65 to 15! The opening prayer was awesome, followed by excellent Kaikottikalli.. followed by an array of stunning fusion numbers, a drama, 2 classical dance renditions.. all ending in an awesome gala, which had even the senior-most grooving and jiving a-la Travolta.
The only part of the program that gave me that sinking feeling "uh oh.. back to ol' times" was when the chief guests landed on the dais. The chief guest list was as long as a voting list from a small town, and the emcee merely scanned the audience and invited more people on-stage. I ducked under his radar (not that i was running a risk, but who wants to take a chance!) and counted around 5 C.Gs on-stage..
5 minutes and the stage had some 10 senior mallus, a lawyer, a social worker, a journalist, a smiling firangi (from the Czech Consulate) who looked like he could bring down a building with a sneeze (6'6", maybe more and built like an army tank) and a bunch of guys running around with mics, all of them with a love for the mic that is touching to see. Most of the guys rattled off Malayalam that left the veterans scouring through their dictionaries, me scratching my head, the firangi still wearing the same smile, searching for a cue to begin clapping, and the rest of the people dazed. Enter the chiefest chief guest.. Some principal of some college.
30-something... And as he adjusted the mic and started to speak, some 5000 kms away.. in a graveyard in Athens... Socrates' was beside himself in joy yelling "Theres 2 of us! Theres 2 of us!" I didn't quite get this reincarnates name.. so anyway, my man Sock-rats went on and on and on, while the audience shut their dictionaries, relaxed on their chair and started to snooze. His subject was about how technology had altered inter-personal relations and how nothing is permanent. Well, at that precise moment, his speaking did seem to be, and given the couple of mythological dramas I had just seen, I was praying hard for a Pralayam of sorts.. My ears were going numb from the onslaught, and i still cant feel them as i write this... Hmm.. thats strange, can we really not feel our ears or has he done some permanent damage?
When i was elbowed out of my slumber by mom 15 minutes later i heard him say "So to conclude..". All the senior mallus were looking for signs of lunch, the kids were curled up in a corner, fast asleep and the firangi was still wearing the same smile on his face coupled with a look of sheer determination as he fought away every yawn that creeped up on him. 10 minutes passed.. Some sections of the audience began clapping, and finally.. oh finally! he let go of the mic. I'm pretty sure some one in the audience brandished a knife or held out a gun or a rocked launcher or something! Slow-gun Murugun seemed to have saved the day! Mr. Vocal Diarrhoea wore the look of a kid who had been robbed off his candy, waved ta-ra and got back into his Neelkamal chair.
Hard to tell if the firangi was smiling thinking of this character he had encountered or whether it was the original smile. Ah darn, my long term memory sucks and I can't recall the original smile! But anyway, he nevertheless smiled..
The meals were just about OK.... but boy oh boy, what an entertaining day i'd had.. Nice dances.. a long nap and then some more awesome performances from the kids... This celebration is something i will look forward to next yr!
1. The meetings i attend on a daily basis and
2. Lux Perfect Bride..
And I sure wasn't planning to invest 4 hrs to hear out-of-tune singing, have an insipid lunch and return after having gone over my academic background, current occupation and answering the ever challenging "where.. ..in 5 yrs?" question, over 40 times... I declined. She asked again. I declined. She pulled out the heavy artillery with the emosanal atyachar "Can't you come along for my sake?" I declined, asking if she'd go front row for a rock concert, just for my sake... silence ensued....
But with Nano and all the sleepless nights mom has, taking care of her, i agreed.. Plus my i-call-her-aunt aunt and her niece (I went to watch my aunt.. not her niece, just to clarify!) were in a couple of traditional dances, which i did wanna see.. and she requested me to get it recorded. So, handy-cam in tow, i set out.. braving the prospect of yawning my jaws off, once the dances are done. The traditional dances are always nice, and the other performances are well, as much excitement as a Namibia - Bermuda cricket encounter held in Turkmenistan..
But boy! Was i wrong! The entire programme was awesome. There was tons of participation from the kids, and suddenly, the average age of a participant had plummeted from 65 to 15! The opening prayer was awesome, followed by excellent Kaikottikalli.. followed by an array of stunning fusion numbers, a drama, 2 classical dance renditions.. all ending in an awesome gala, which had even the senior-most grooving and jiving a-la Travolta.
The only part of the program that gave me that sinking feeling "uh oh.. back to ol' times" was when the chief guests landed on the dais. The chief guest list was as long as a voting list from a small town, and the emcee merely scanned the audience and invited more people on-stage. I ducked under his radar (not that i was running a risk, but who wants to take a chance!) and counted around 5 C.Gs on-stage..
5 minutes and the stage had some 10 senior mallus, a lawyer, a social worker, a journalist, a smiling firangi (from the Czech Consulate) who looked like he could bring down a building with a sneeze (6'6", maybe more and built like an army tank) and a bunch of guys running around with mics, all of them with a love for the mic that is touching to see. Most of the guys rattled off Malayalam that left the veterans scouring through their dictionaries, me scratching my head, the firangi still wearing the same smile, searching for a cue to begin clapping, and the rest of the people dazed. Enter the chiefest chief guest.. Some principal of some college.
30-something... And as he adjusted the mic and started to speak, some 5000 kms away.. in a graveyard in Athens... Socrates' was beside himself in joy yelling "Theres 2 of us! Theres 2 of us!" I didn't quite get this reincarnates name.. so anyway, my man Sock-rats went on and on and on, while the audience shut their dictionaries, relaxed on their chair and started to snooze. His subject was about how technology had altered inter-personal relations and how nothing is permanent. Well, at that precise moment, his speaking did seem to be, and given the couple of mythological dramas I had just seen, I was praying hard for a Pralayam of sorts.. My ears were going numb from the onslaught, and i still cant feel them as i write this... Hmm.. thats strange, can we really not feel our ears or has he done some permanent damage?
When i was elbowed out of my slumber by mom 15 minutes later i heard him say "So to conclude..". All the senior mallus were looking for signs of lunch, the kids were curled up in a corner, fast asleep and the firangi was still wearing the same smile on his face coupled with a look of sheer determination as he fought away every yawn that creeped up on him. 10 minutes passed.. Some sections of the audience began clapping, and finally.. oh finally! he let go of the mic. I'm pretty sure some one in the audience brandished a knife or held out a gun or a rocked launcher or something! Slow-gun Murugun seemed to have saved the day! Mr. Vocal Diarrhoea wore the look of a kid who had been robbed off his candy, waved ta-ra and got back into his Neelkamal chair.
Hard to tell if the firangi was smiling thinking of this character he had encountered or whether it was the original smile. Ah darn, my long term memory sucks and I can't recall the original smile! But anyway, he nevertheless smiled..
The meals were just about OK.... but boy oh boy, what an entertaining day i'd had.. Nice dances.. a long nap and then some more awesome performances from the kids... This celebration is something i will look forward to next yr!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Social Vibe
Guys, I have added this social vibe toolbar at the bottom of my blog page.. All you need to do is watch a video and rate it, and in return the sponsoring company will donate Micro Nutrients to the World Food Programme charity.. The donation per view of video is Micro Nutrients for a week..
So pls, spare some time and help in this charity..
Here is the message I got from blogger..
So pls, spare some time and help in this charity..
Here is the message I got from blogger..
In honor of Blogger's 10th anniversary, we are excited to announce that you can now use your blogs to create positive, measurable social change. By adding the SocialVibe gadget to your blog, you'll be turning brand dollars into real charitable donations for the cause of your choice..
...and remember, you don't raise money by taking money out of your pocket—or your audience's—but rather by getting your readers to engage with your SocialVibe gadget
Iss TV se mujhe bachao
It was around 10.30 and i got a call from Aanchal. Her first question as i er.. eagerly answered the phone was
"Hey, whatcha doing?"
I replied "Watching iss jungle se...".
Her curious voice prodded "Why?"
I tell ya..16 yrs of education, 4 yrs of engineering and bluffing my ass off in vivas, doing much the same in all the status meetings i attend these days and all i could come up with was "Dunno.."
At that precise moment, i felt the helplessness A-jinx-yeah feels when he faces up to Shreeshant's hapless seam bowling! I guess there must be some such thing as getting addicted to something that makes you want to pull out each hair on ur arm, smile through the ordeal and come back for some more!!! Oh wait, thats waxing and something girls do all the time.. So well, its like.. like.. er.. pulling out your eyebrows.. er not this as well.. er.. its like.. ... ... damn you girls!
Coming back to Iss jungle se, it is touching to watch people eat worms and have snakes crawl up their trousers for the sake of their families.. I mean Chetan gobbling up worms quicker than i could ever gobble up chicken does cry out "Anything for you son" much louder than it cries "Anything for you money". His priorities are something I understand and respect.. But why on earth is he maligning Superman and Spider man... The guy screams out "I am Spider Man" with pride on his face commonly found amongst Nobel laureates.. I think he has taken the Spider bit in Spider Man a little too seriously.. Look bro, despite being "Spider" man, Peter Parker eats burgers and sandwiches.. He does the shooting webs and crawling up buildings part, but he doesn't prey on worms and flies. Take a cue..
Oh, and yeah.. If Yuck-as-beep had a rupee for each time he cussed angrily... He would have been one rich *&$#*&#$##$#&*
This reality TV crap is the in thing right now.. Every channel has 10 on air.. From abusing bikes to abusing fellow contestants, reality television seems to be catching on.. Most channels are neck and neck with the TRPs.. Except Star Plus, who are head and shoulders above the others.. The reason you ask? The package deal I say... Mind It!
Now here is the package deal - Be a contestant on Sach ka Saamna, strip naked in front of a million television viewers (yeah, the Star guys paid me to put down that figure.. left to me, I'd count 7.. no, 5) get that happy marriage on the rocks, and move to the adjacent studio for the shoot of Aap Ki Kachehri with Kiran Bedi, where you can discuss the secret bank accounts, countless girlfriends and aborted pregnancies you willingly declared...
Last I heard, they are planning to launch a match-making show to preceed Sach ka Saamna.. Thats when its really gonna get crazy! The family court in Bandra is gonna be one helluva busy place!
"Hey, whatcha doing?"
I replied "Watching iss jungle se...".
Her curious voice prodded "Why?"
I tell ya..16 yrs of education, 4 yrs of engineering and bluffing my ass off in vivas, doing much the same in all the status meetings i attend these days and all i could come up with was "Dunno.."
At that precise moment, i felt the helplessness A-jinx-yeah feels when he faces up to Shreeshant's hapless seam bowling! I guess there must be some such thing as getting addicted to something that makes you want to pull out each hair on ur arm, smile through the ordeal and come back for some more!!! Oh wait, thats waxing and something girls do all the time.. So well, its like.. like.. er.. pulling out your eyebrows.. er not this as well.. er.. its like.. ... ... damn you girls!
Coming back to Iss jungle se, it is touching to watch people eat worms and have snakes crawl up their trousers for the sake of their families.. I mean Chetan gobbling up worms quicker than i could ever gobble up chicken does cry out "Anything for you son" much louder than it cries "Anything for you money". His priorities are something I understand and respect.. But why on earth is he maligning Superman and Spider man... The guy screams out "I am Spider Man" with pride on his face commonly found amongst Nobel laureates.. I think he has taken the Spider bit in Spider Man a little too seriously.. Look bro, despite being "Spider" man, Peter Parker eats burgers and sandwiches.. He does the shooting webs and crawling up buildings part, but he doesn't prey on worms and flies. Take a cue..
Oh, and yeah.. If Yuck-as-beep had a rupee for each time he cussed angrily... He would have been one rich *&$#*&#$##$#&*
This reality TV crap is the in thing right now.. Every channel has 10 on air.. From abusing bikes to abusing fellow contestants, reality television seems to be catching on.. Most channels are neck and neck with the TRPs.. Except Star Plus, who are head and shoulders above the others.. The reason you ask? The package deal I say... Mind It!
Now here is the package deal - Be a contestant on Sach ka Saamna, strip naked in front of a million television viewers (yeah, the Star guys paid me to put down that figure.. left to me, I'd count 7.. no, 5) get that happy marriage on the rocks, and move to the adjacent studio for the shoot of Aap Ki Kachehri with Kiran Bedi, where you can discuss the secret bank accounts, countless girlfriends and aborted pregnancies you willingly declared...
Last I heard, they are planning to launch a match-making show to preceed Sach ka Saamna.. Thats when its really gonna get crazy! The family court in Bandra is gonna be one helluva busy place!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
This and that
Its been a dull week for me.. Nothing much happening basically... Its just work, work, pacify a crying baby and then work some more. I have been given a role upgrade which means that i can now assign tasks to others and take crucial decisions such as when they will reach office and when they get to go home. So far they are pretty happy, except for an attempt on my life and a lot more cussing that is audible to me.. I can't help it really. I dont get to decide the target.. My manager gives me an unrealistic target, and I give him unrealistic claim vouchers.. Tit for tat!
So anyway, I realized that in all my posts, i had never really introduced myself.. So here goes.. I'm Vinod... Vinod Krishnadas.. Mumbai-kar born into a mallu family.. 24 yrs old (if it is still 2009 :) ) and working.. I own a car and live largely on sponsorships, mainly from my principal sponsor - a Non-Profit Institution that is my dad. I fancied being a stand up comedian but was told to sit down, hence the job in IT. I think i'm a run-of-the-mill guy, with an average everything (except a marginally (we'll argue later) above average waist-line and marginally below average intelligence) Aanchal begs to differ on the latter.. But then, i haven't even met her formally. She'll have plenty of opportunity to change.. er.. correct her opinion.. No one can argue about the former.
I'm uncomfortable talking about myself.. and am gonna close this post here..
Till I can think of a topic.. Cya
PS: Suggestions are welcome.
So anyway, I realized that in all my posts, i had never really introduced myself.. So here goes.. I'm Vinod... Vinod Krishnadas.. Mumbai-kar born into a mallu family.. 24 yrs old (if it is still 2009 :) ) and working.. I own a car and live largely on sponsorships, mainly from my principal sponsor - a Non-Profit Institution that is my dad. I fancied being a stand up comedian but was told to sit down, hence the job in IT. I think i'm a run-of-the-mill guy, with an average everything (except a marginally (we'll argue later) above average waist-line and marginally below average intelligence) Aanchal begs to differ on the latter.. But then, i haven't even met her formally. She'll have plenty of opportunity to change.. er.. correct her opinion.. No one can argue about the former.
I'm uncomfortable talking about myself.. and am gonna close this post here..
Till I can think of a topic.. Cya
PS: Suggestions are welcome.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Bar-burr
I'd been to the barber's recently.. I dont like to comb my hair.. so i get a self combing hair cut all the time.. which means that there is just enough hair to cover the brown and yet not enough to warrant a comb.. As you can imagine, i end up visiting the friendly neighborhood barber quite often.. This is an incident which happened some one n half yrs back..
In my college days, i didn't earn much.. There is only so much you can extort outta your dad.. and i always fancied a 'herbal head massage' after a good hair cut.. but never ever got one coz for the price of one i could watch half a movie with my girlfriend, and i figured i could get the head massage after the movie for free from her anyway.. ;)
But a break up and higher disposable income (i earn now..) meant i could finally get one... I was working, there were tensions in my mind.. and i felt i had earned my massage.. My college days were largely stress free, and i had heard you need tensions to enjoy a massage. So i got myself a new girlfriend and a project with tight deadlines.. I was now ready to enjoy a good massage.
I was now at the barber's.. awaiting my turn... When my turn did come, i told him to give me a medium trim (i wanted to get to the massage without too much time passing) The hair cut was done soon enough..
"Saab aur kuch"
"haan.. head massage pls"
"Ail?"
"Huh"
"Ail kaunsa?"
"kaunsa hai?"
"Navratan aur Kings.. Space-al delukjh"
Navratan is the brand AB endorses.. So i figured, i'd go in for the true desi stuff.. the stuff that can make your worries melt away.. Kings.. rather than give in to corporate marketing strategy making up for a poor product..
"Kings dedo"
and boy did he give it to me.. I got a truck load of 'ail' on my head.. followed by a hammering.. and then some more bludgeoning.. exactly where he had poured what smelt like camphor mixed with rotten fish! Then i get a slap on the back of my head.. he also threw in a punch for good measure... I start to turn to confront the guy and i feel hands holding me by the jaw and twisting my head as if the sole intention was to rip it off.. I heard my neck going CRACK! with the stunt, and before i could yelp out, he twisted it the other way round.. I tell ya, if it were Sunny Deol in Aaj ka, Kal ka, Parson ka or Kabhi ka bhi Arjun, i would have dropped dead after letting out a meek 'Aaa'.. I however, survived.. He then proceeded to try and Neutralize me ala Spock from Star Trek.. with his vice like grip on my collar bone.. Now, if you wondering why i havent protested to this guy yet.. pls realize.. i am in a state of shock! I am getting the mauling of my life.. and to rub salt in the wounds.. i am paying for it.. and enduring it willingly! It then dawned on me.. The reason you forget your tensions when you get one of these is that survival instincts are the strongest.. and you end up racking ur brains for ways to get outta this!
After he had battered my head, shoulders and hands, he whispered?
"Maseen?"
Surely a machine will not be soo brutal... So, in all my wisdom "Haan!"
He brought out what looked like a stun gun, wore it on his palm and aimed.. I almost ducked, only to realize he wasn't (thankfully) going to blow my head off.. The machine vibrated, and he moved his palm over my rather sore scalp..
Not bad... This does feel pretty good...
Its like i had spoken too soon. Coz he did something i was not prepared for.. In fact, you cannot prepare for this.. He stuffed his finger into my ear in one easy motion, and started wiggling it around.. YUCK!!!! I almost jumped out of my chair... I told him that i'd pass the finger in ear massage.. I was mad by this point! All i wanted was a head massage.. and he was in my ears already.. My ears had been intruded into.. I didnt wanna risk him stuffing his fingers up my nose next!
I stood up.. paid for a months haircut and a spanking of a lifetime.. and left...
I was missing hair.. smarting from the assault and smelling like mithi river... I was also poorer and looking like i just got off a Gareeb Rath from UP to Mumbai... All my tensions were long forgotten..
Just thinking of getting another massage sends a shiver down my spine.. Bar-burr!!!
In my college days, i didn't earn much.. There is only so much you can extort outta your dad.. and i always fancied a 'herbal head massage' after a good hair cut.. but never ever got one coz for the price of one i could watch half a movie with my girlfriend, and i figured i could get the head massage after the movie for free from her anyway.. ;)
But a break up and higher disposable income (i earn now..) meant i could finally get one... I was working, there were tensions in my mind.. and i felt i had earned my massage.. My college days were largely stress free, and i had heard you need tensions to enjoy a massage. So i got myself a new girlfriend and a project with tight deadlines.. I was now ready to enjoy a good massage.
I was now at the barber's.. awaiting my turn... When my turn did come, i told him to give me a medium trim (i wanted to get to the massage without too much time passing) The hair cut was done soon enough..
"Saab aur kuch"
"haan.. head massage pls"
"Ail?"
"Huh"
"Ail kaunsa?"
"kaunsa hai?"
"Navratan aur Kings.. Space-al delukjh"
Navratan is the brand AB endorses.. So i figured, i'd go in for the true desi stuff.. the stuff that can make your worries melt away.. Kings.. rather than give in to corporate marketing strategy making up for a poor product..
"Kings dedo"
and boy did he give it to me.. I got a truck load of 'ail' on my head.. followed by a hammering.. and then some more bludgeoning.. exactly where he had poured what smelt like camphor mixed with rotten fish! Then i get a slap on the back of my head.. he also threw in a punch for good measure... I start to turn to confront the guy and i feel hands holding me by the jaw and twisting my head as if the sole intention was to rip it off.. I heard my neck going CRACK! with the stunt, and before i could yelp out, he twisted it the other way round.. I tell ya, if it were Sunny Deol in Aaj ka, Kal ka, Parson ka or Kabhi ka bhi Arjun, i would have dropped dead after letting out a meek 'Aaa'.. I however, survived.. He then proceeded to try and Neutralize me ala Spock from Star Trek.. with his vice like grip on my collar bone.. Now, if you wondering why i havent protested to this guy yet.. pls realize.. i am in a state of shock! I am getting the mauling of my life.. and to rub salt in the wounds.. i am paying for it.. and enduring it willingly! It then dawned on me.. The reason you forget your tensions when you get one of these is that survival instincts are the strongest.. and you end up racking ur brains for ways to get outta this!
After he had battered my head, shoulders and hands, he whispered?
"Maseen?"
Surely a machine will not be soo brutal... So, in all my wisdom "Haan!"
He brought out what looked like a stun gun, wore it on his palm and aimed.. I almost ducked, only to realize he wasn't (thankfully) going to blow my head off.. The machine vibrated, and he moved his palm over my rather sore scalp..
Not bad... This does feel pretty good...
Its like i had spoken too soon. Coz he did something i was not prepared for.. In fact, you cannot prepare for this.. He stuffed his finger into my ear in one easy motion, and started wiggling it around.. YUCK!!!! I almost jumped out of my chair... I told him that i'd pass the finger in ear massage.. I was mad by this point! All i wanted was a head massage.. and he was in my ears already.. My ears had been intruded into.. I didnt wanna risk him stuffing his fingers up my nose next!
I stood up.. paid for a months haircut and a spanking of a lifetime.. and left...
I was missing hair.. smarting from the assault and smelling like mithi river... I was also poorer and looking like i just got off a Gareeb Rath from UP to Mumbai... All my tensions were long forgotten..
Just thinking of getting another massage sends a shiver down my spine.. Bar-burr!!!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Yeh Swapna hi hain
My ni(e)ce was named yesterday.. We had a naming ceremony at my place, with all my relatives coming over. The aunts and uncles thronging to see the first in my family's third generation. I was busy running around arranging things, but would always steal some time to be be with Nano, who was really enjoying the attention she was getting. She had captivated her audience with her range of expressions, starting from the wide eyed gaze, which meant she was in a playful mood and was seeking out the right company, to her i've just crapped look, which meant, well, that she had... And Its always so amazing to hear adults near kids.. I dont know what it is about these tiny tots that makes ppl speak like they have some severe form of retardation. I mean you'd never hear an adult go, Hi, how do you do.. with a kid.. Its always alululululu and cho chweet and.. you get the idea.. Even old uncles, who have never been known to smile would be grinning and speaking in totla fashion that'd put Bawa caricatures to shame..
Now, for those not familiar with the mallu ways of things, mamas rule (yeah, thats me!) We are the ones who get to name the kid, to feed her her first food.. Basically if you are a mallu kid, better be good with your mama.. My sister was gung-ho about the name Swapna, and i liked it as well. She's named her Swapna after a close friend Swapna, whom she almost idolizes. So with mama's approval, the name was finalized, and i was excited at the prospect of being at the helm.. What i didn't realize was that where tradition had made me the take the 'Seat of Honour', it made me do so shirtless, and wearing a Mundu.. YIKES!! And wearing a trouser underneath just makes it look really awful.. So basically... When i was in the mundu, there wasn't a second line of defense, except at er.. at sensitive installations..
The ceremony was a simple one.. The bua puts on her ornaments.. I then take her name thrice in each ear after calling out Parvati into each ear first.. When i call out the name, my sister covers the other ear with a betel leaf, and once this is done, I announce the name to everyone else. Then i feed her some stuff mixed in milk.. more symbolically than anything else.. and after me, all the others take turns doing this, calling her by her name, all while i hold her.
Anyway, all this holding and shifting with my hands busy holding her had sent my confidence (about the mundu) for a walk, and standing up, all i could hope for was the mundu would stay out on my waist. The prospect of me doing a John-from-dostana was seeming increasingly imminent.. along with the ceremony ending up with an 'A' rating (Yeah, the entire thing was taped.. and my mundu was about to "go down in history") And there really is no comeback from ur mundu falling off.. Even the lil kid Swapna would have laughed her matchbox size ass off! Thankfully, the mundu didnt let me down..
Alls well that ends well!
Now, for those not familiar with the mallu ways of things, mamas rule (yeah, thats me!) We are the ones who get to name the kid, to feed her her first food.. Basically if you are a mallu kid, better be good with your mama.. My sister was gung-ho about the name Swapna, and i liked it as well. She's named her Swapna after a close friend Swapna, whom she almost idolizes. So with mama's approval, the name was finalized, and i was excited at the prospect of being at the helm.. What i didn't realize was that where tradition had made me the take the 'Seat of Honour', it made me do so shirtless, and wearing a Mundu.. YIKES!! And wearing a trouser underneath just makes it look really awful.. So basically... When i was in the mundu, there wasn't a second line of defense, except at er.. at sensitive installations..
The ceremony was a simple one.. The bua puts on her ornaments.. I then take her name thrice in each ear after calling out Parvati into each ear first.. When i call out the name, my sister covers the other ear with a betel leaf, and once this is done, I announce the name to everyone else. Then i feed her some stuff mixed in milk.. more symbolically than anything else.. and after me, all the others take turns doing this, calling her by her name, all while i hold her.
Anyway, all this holding and shifting with my hands busy holding her had sent my confidence (about the mundu) for a walk, and standing up, all i could hope for was the mundu would stay out on my waist. The prospect of me doing a John-from-dostana was seeming increasingly imminent.. along with the ceremony ending up with an 'A' rating (Yeah, the entire thing was taped.. and my mundu was about to "go down in history") And there really is no comeback from ur mundu falling off.. Even the lil kid Swapna would have laughed her matchbox size ass off! Thankfully, the mundu didnt let me down..
Alls well that ends well!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Baked Beans
Now, i must apologize for posting another forwared mail. But fact is, this is sooo funny that by the time you get to the end of this, you'll be falling off your chairs... I strongly advise NOT reading this atop a tree or ladder ;)
Also, an apology for the rather er.. graphic descriptions here... And also, this should be the last forward I put up for a while. Here goes...
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating baked beans, my all time favourite.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the aroma of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.' He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill!
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'!!
I nearly died!!
______________________________________________________________________
Saturday, July 25, 2009
V.I.Pees
There was a lot of activity in parliament over the past week with Chidambaram planning to review the security provided to VIPs. India has nurtered a VIP culture, where becoming a politician (in any of its flavous) gives you a lifetime of govt funded security.. Well, not so much govt funded coz all that money (atleast most of it) comes from our pockets.. Its shocking how so many people, of little or no significance get the best of protection.. Cops, commandos.. the works..
Circa Nov 2008.. I was touched when I read about Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who laid down his life for us... Pictures of him draped in the tri-colour while his mother, despondent and inconsolable wept her heart out, lurk in my memory, and come to haunt me often.. The valour and bravery of a man, from the most elite force in the country, was on display even as he breathed his last.. His death is a loss to this country.. Something i wished hadn't happened.. But sometimes... somewhere... deep inside i am glad he got a chance to become a martyr.. Because a brave Major like him dreams of laying down his life for the country.. And when he is instead made to run after beacon flashing vehicles opening doors and saluting people who have several criminal cases against them, his soul languishes... It is one thing to be pressed into service, protecting statesmen of repute.. And a totally different matter to be tailing politicians who are in politics to make money... There are countless other soldiers out there.. wishing that this humiliation of their skills ends and they get a chance to prove their mettle..
I was shocked when NDTV ran a programme on VIP security.. The number of personnel deployed for the secuity of some politicians defies all logic.. Like Shivraj Patil, for example, has more than 200 personnel deployed for his security.. If the 200 of them stand in a circle around him they'll cover half of Kalina... Now I can understand such a large number of personnel to protect someone like Jayalalitha, because of the much larger expanse (hehe!).. but this chaps lanky! Anyway, 200! and the government spends upto 50,000 on each one of them a day! Even Varun Gandhi has 30 guys protecting him, and all he had to do was to rant and rail..I have a hate speach handy.. And any time i feel threatened, i'll just scream it out at Shivaji Park and get 30 of my own!
There is also He-who-must-not-be-named-in-Mumbai who gets the best security for beating people black and blue, torching vehicles, and generally putting up a strong display of gunda raj..
Our man Chidambaram though has refused cover.. despite the fact that this review of VIP security means there are some 430 really pissed VIPs (Out of whom, 200 have little or no threat at all!) gunning for his head.. He seems to back himself to fold his mundu in half in a nano second and put in a 100m sprint that'd put Usain Bolt to shame in case any of these 430 decide to act on their anger...
PS: Got all the figures from here: http://www.ndtv.com/news/india/govt_reviews_security_for_vips.php
Circa Nov 2008.. I was touched when I read about Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who laid down his life for us... Pictures of him draped in the tri-colour while his mother, despondent and inconsolable wept her heart out, lurk in my memory, and come to haunt me often.. The valour and bravery of a man, from the most elite force in the country, was on display even as he breathed his last.. His death is a loss to this country.. Something i wished hadn't happened.. But sometimes... somewhere... deep inside i am glad he got a chance to become a martyr.. Because a brave Major like him dreams of laying down his life for the country.. And when he is instead made to run after beacon flashing vehicles opening doors and saluting people who have several criminal cases against them, his soul languishes... It is one thing to be pressed into service, protecting statesmen of repute.. And a totally different matter to be tailing politicians who are in politics to make money... There are countless other soldiers out there.. wishing that this humiliation of their skills ends and they get a chance to prove their mettle..
I was shocked when NDTV ran a programme on VIP security.. The number of personnel deployed for the secuity of some politicians defies all logic.. Like Shivraj Patil, for example, has more than 200 personnel deployed for his security.. If the 200 of them stand in a circle around him they'll cover half of Kalina... Now I can understand such a large number of personnel to protect someone like Jayalalitha, because of the much larger expanse (hehe!).. but this chaps lanky! Anyway, 200! and the government spends upto 50,000 on each one of them a day! Even Varun Gandhi has 30 guys protecting him, and all he had to do was to rant and rail..I have a hate speach handy.. And any time i feel threatened, i'll just scream it out at Shivaji Park and get 30 of my own!
There is also He-who-must-not-be-named-in-Mumbai who gets the best security for beating people black and blue, torching vehicles, and generally putting up a strong display of gunda raj..
Our man Chidambaram though has refused cover.. despite the fact that this review of VIP security means there are some 430 really pissed VIPs (Out of whom, 200 have little or no threat at all!) gunning for his head.. He seems to back himself to fold his mundu in half in a nano second and put in a 100m sprint that'd put Usain Bolt to shame in case any of these 430 decide to act on their anger...
PS: Got all the figures from here: http://www.ndtv.com/news/india/govt_reviews_security_for_vips.php
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Blog Award
It was a regular day at work.. which means i was bored, sleepy and eagerly looking out of the window hoping for a downpour that'd put 26-July to shame... Just so I can get out of this 'Hell with flourescent lights and centralized AC' i call office... With nothing better to do, i logged onto FB from my 'cell'..
Nupur Bhayani wrote on your wall
Umm.. Maybe i need to write something more about Aanchal I thought.. How much more can i cook up...
I havent really got any awards, and my trophy cabinet closely resembles Ajinkya Rahane's... So, understandably i was ecstatic and almost threw my mouse skywards in celebration... But whats a 'blog award'? Maybe she's on a panel or something.. Last i checked, she was a student, a blogger, a short story writer, a novelist, a poet.. All rolled into a pocket sized edition... And i was sure there was just about enough place to squeeze in a panelist in there as well..
I logged onto her blog to find the grand trophy awaiting me.. ... ... ...
A picture
An unpaid appearance in Sach ka Saamna and
An assignment to cough up 10 blogs i read...
10!!?? I read only one - mine!!
To quote from her blog...
So anyway... Here are 10 truths about me.... Well, more like 10 things that popped into my mind, which are true..
1. I am an engineering student from Vidyalankar Institute of Technology.. Not Vidyalankar Classes, but IoT... and no, thats not doing engineering 'private'...
2. I am the 3rd most lazy person.. After Mr. Breathless and Nupur that is... (she's given me an award for cryin-out-loud... Yes, that is an award! Anyway, the least i can do is not contest what she has to say about being lazy)
3. I used to dislike meetings.. Now i hate them!
4. The intelligent, attractive, beautiful (non 377-ers) ladies go weak in their knees when I am around
Darn... I can NEVER EVER pass that off as true, can I!!
so...
4. I love my music and listen to it for 4 or 5 hours a day... (No wise cracks here)
5. My hindi is pathetic and my english just about reaches the level of a 3rd grader... Conversations with novelists and umm.. Aanchal-ists have me reaching for the dictionary once every 29.93 seconds (on an average)
6. I hate my job (much like Chandler) but luckily don't need to stare at an ANUS (thats Annual Net Usage Statistics for the uninitiated) I have to stare at a person who is trying his very best to put me to sleep...
7. I love cars, which is only way to explain why i drive an Indica Diesel... (which is a brilliant car, if you planning to buy it from me..)
8. I started to blog because Aanchal thought i could write well and i wanted to prove her wrong. Well, so far so good.
9. I laugh and find reasons to laugh, coz i look better laughing than sulking...
10. I really appreciate Nupur picking my blog amongst the millions of other better blogs she reads...
Now, i don't have 10 blogs to put up here... So i give out 4
1. Timepass Of India - amazingly funny.. reminds me of my style of writing.. hehe
2. Aanchal - A wonderfully honest and refreshing blog.. wait.. or was it insightful and poetic?? Never mind, this ones from the heart.. Good stuff!
3. Nupur - (dunno if i can give this back to her... but anyway...) some of her posts are a little too long for me.. but she writes the best opening and closing paras ;)
4. Keshava - a total mixed bag this one.. posts range from urdu poetry to failed attempts in the kitchen, both of which i dont understand...
Congrats winners.. It was a bit by default, but then i read only the best :)
Nupur Bhayani wrote on your wall
Umm.. Maybe i need to write something more about Aanchal I thought.. How much more can i cook up...
hey ive given u a blog award.... pls chk mine to accept it!
I havent really got any awards, and my trophy cabinet closely resembles Ajinkya Rahane's... So, understandably i was ecstatic and almost threw my mouse skywards in celebration... But whats a 'blog award'? Maybe she's on a panel or something.. Last i checked, she was a student, a blogger, a short story writer, a novelist, a poet.. All rolled into a pocket sized edition... And i was sure there was just about enough place to squeeze in a panelist in there as well..
I logged onto her blog to find the grand trophy awaiting me.. ... ... ...
A picture
An unpaid appearance in Sach ka Saamna and
An assignment to cough up 10 blogs i read...
10!!?? I read only one - mine!!
To quote from her blog...
...list down 10 truths about yourselves and pass it on to 10 different people...!!!...and your wish will come true on the 3rd day of the next month.. Or else you will face bad luck for 3 yrs... ;)
So anyway... Here are 10 truths about me.... Well, more like 10 things that popped into my mind, which are true..1. I am an engineering student from Vidyalankar Institute of Technology.. Not Vidyalankar Classes, but IoT... and no, thats not doing engineering 'private'...
2. I am the 3rd most lazy person.. After Mr. Breathless and Nupur that is... (she's given me an award for cryin-out-loud... Yes, that is an award! Anyway, the least i can do is not contest what she has to say about being lazy)
3. I used to dislike meetings.. Now i hate them!
4. The intelligent, attractive, beautiful (non 377-ers) ladies go weak in their knees when I am around
Darn... I can NEVER EVER pass that off as true, can I!!
so...
4. I love my music and listen to it for 4 or 5 hours a day... (No wise cracks here)
5. My hindi is pathetic and my english just about reaches the level of a 3rd grader... Conversations with novelists and umm.. Aanchal-ists have me reaching for the dictionary once every 29.93 seconds (on an average)
6. I hate my job (much like Chandler) but luckily don't need to stare at an ANUS (thats Annual Net Usage Statistics for the uninitiated) I have to stare at a person who is trying his very best to put me to sleep...
7. I love cars, which is only way to explain why i drive an Indica Diesel... (which is a brilliant car, if you planning to buy it from me..)
8. I started to blog because Aanchal thought i could write well and i wanted to prove her wrong. Well, so far so good.
9. I laugh and find reasons to laugh, coz i look better laughing than sulking...
10. I really appreciate Nupur picking my blog amongst the millions of other better blogs she reads...
Now, i don't have 10 blogs to put up here... So i give out 4
1. Timepass Of India - amazingly funny.. reminds me of my style of writing.. hehe
2. Aanchal - A wonderfully honest and refreshing blog.. wait.. or was it insightful and poetic?? Never mind, this ones from the heart.. Good stuff!
3. Nupur - (dunno if i can give this back to her... but anyway...) some of her posts are a little too long for me.. but she writes the best opening and closing paras ;)
4. Keshava - a total mixed bag this one.. posts range from urdu poetry to failed attempts in the kitchen, both of which i dont understand...
Congrats winners.. It was a bit by default, but then i read only the best :)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
English to Hindi Conversions
This is something i read on the net.. but its really funny, and i decided to share it here....
English to Hindi Conversions
Haven't you always wondered how "Americanisms" would sound like if they were translated literally to an average Indian on, say, the streets of New Delhi (or elsewhere)?
Have a nice day! ----- * Achcha din lo!
What's up? ----- *Uppar kya hai?
You're kidding! ----- *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!
Don't kid me! ----- * Mera bachcha mut banaao!
Yo, baby! What's up? -----* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
Cool man! -----* Thandaa aadmi!
Don't mess with me, dude.----- * Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.
Check this out, man! ----- * Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
She's so fine! ----- * Woh itnee baareek hai!
Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?----- * Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek?
Hey good looking; what's cooking? ----- * Hey Sundari; kyaa pak raha hai?
Are you nuts? ----- * Kya aap akhrot hain?
Son of a gun.----- * Bachcha bandook ka.
And the best one is.....
General Body Meeting.... ----- *Saamanya Shaaririk Milan
C ya folks... -----(Dekhte hain doston) &
Keep in touch...... ----- (Chhoote Raho.....)
English to Hindi Conversions
Haven't you always wondered how "Americanisms" would sound like if they were translated literally to an average Indian on, say, the streets of New Delhi (or elsewhere)?
Have a nice day! ----- * Achcha din lo!
What's up? ----- *Uppar kya hai?
You're kidding! ----- *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!
Don't kid me! ----- * Mera bachcha mut banaao!
Yo, baby! What's up? -----* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
Cool man! -----* Thandaa aadmi!
Don't mess with me, dude.----- * Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.
Check this out, man! ----- * Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
She's so fine! ----- * Woh itnee baareek hai!
Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?----- * Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek?
Hey good looking; what's cooking? ----- * Hey Sundari; kyaa pak raha hai?
Are you nuts? ----- * Kya aap akhrot hain?
Son of a gun.----- * Bachcha bandook ka.
And the best one is.....
General Body Meeting.... ----- *Saamanya Shaaririk Milan
C ya folks... -----(Dekhte hain doston) &
Keep in touch...... ----- (Chhoote Raho.....)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Ridiculous displays of idiocy
The last month has been great for the idiot box.. It has taken idiocy to a whole new level, which leads me to believe that idiotic is the way to go(which would explain a lot i see in office off-late)! Take that item girl getting married show for starters.. I don't know why they have a show on air showing us stuff we already know - that she doesn't mind being bedded by a guy she has only just met (and that some guys would go to any lengths for it), and that she can't act.. and in case you haven't seen the show yet, PLEASE DO.. At least once. There is this fat guy.. mid to late 30s.. with a paunch.. and what looks like a receeding hairline hosting it. And i kid you not, his expression reminds me of a daily morning chore.. which went awfully wrong.. add to this her melodrama when she is asked about her past.. Melodrama that would easily put one of those (flopped) movies from the 1940s to shame and what you get is a headache larger than the hosts paunch! Hey Ram!
I think the only greater source of melodrama than her are those telugu/ tamil movies that are aired on Set Max! They manage to take it to levels the written word just can't capture.. Its like they challenge her to be more melodramatic, and the moment she matches them, they just take it to an all new level and mock her from there... Much like the Roddick-Federrer game... Anyway... Talking about discarded celebs, there is a whole bunch of them who have been ostracized. I think the plan was to dump them in a jungle and flee.. But some producer went like "Wait a min.. How about a quick buck? Why not have a show on this? Lets see whats needed.. Sets? No need.. Sex appeal.. Yes, we'll make them bathe in the open... But how do i get returns on this? Of course, the batheing beauties will bring in the moolah.. And I'll get Mini Mathur and an over excited failed stand up comic to host it.. I'll make the celebs eat worms and have snakes crawl up their trousers for laughs. That oughta make me feel good anyway.. And perverts will watch the show!" (Here i need to add: DISCLAIMER: I watched the show only outta curiosity, and since i am not a cat, its pretty safe.. blah!) He imagined a lot of drool worthy stuff, as young celebs bathe in the open... Their wet bodies in the skimpiest of batheing suits.. But the guy who selected the celebs just spoilt it for everyone i tell you.. For what he gave us was Palak and Fiza, and a bunch of candidates for 40-plus capsules.. Palak batheing in a.. hold your breath.. swim suit, with her fat hanging off the sides.. is a strong tool to counter the popularity of swimsuit calendars, and can at best, turn on a mboscodictiosaur.. And Fiza strutting around, like she were 20 again, the less said the better.. The producer prolly gave Mr. (in) fidel cast-ro a free hand thinking young girls in swimsuits can never be a bad thing.. well Mr Producer, we now have evidence that you were, in fact, wrong! And Mr. Cast-ro, 40 isn't really young you know...
In related news, all the female folk in the jungle (which includes some species of monkeys, apes and all the female adivasis there..) are keeping a safe distance from the camp.. I wonder why though.. Why are they sooo scared to tread near the celebs? Let me see that list of names again.. Akashh Deep Saigal, Aman Verma, Marrr.... Aah!! No wonder...
I think the only greater source of melodrama than her are those telugu/ tamil movies that are aired on Set Max! They manage to take it to levels the written word just can't capture.. Its like they challenge her to be more melodramatic, and the moment she matches them, they just take it to an all new level and mock her from there... Much like the Roddick-Federrer game... Anyway... Talking about discarded celebs, there is a whole bunch of them who have been ostracized. I think the plan was to dump them in a jungle and flee.. But some producer went like "Wait a min.. How about a quick buck? Why not have a show on this? Lets see whats needed.. Sets? No need.. Sex appeal.. Yes, we'll make them bathe in the open... But how do i get returns on this? Of course, the batheing beauties will bring in the moolah.. And I'll get Mini Mathur and an over excited failed stand up comic to host it.. I'll make the celebs eat worms and have snakes crawl up their trousers for laughs. That oughta make me feel good anyway.. And perverts will watch the show!" (Here i need to add: DISCLAIMER: I watched the show only outta curiosity, and since i am not a cat, its pretty safe.. blah!) He imagined a lot of drool worthy stuff, as young celebs bathe in the open... Their wet bodies in the skimpiest of batheing suits.. But the guy who selected the celebs just spoilt it for everyone i tell you.. For what he gave us was Palak and Fiza, and a bunch of candidates for 40-plus capsules.. Palak batheing in a.. hold your breath.. swim suit, with her fat hanging off the sides.. is a strong tool to counter the popularity of swimsuit calendars, and can at best, turn on a mboscodictiosaur.. And Fiza strutting around, like she were 20 again, the less said the better.. The producer prolly gave Mr. (in) fidel cast-ro a free hand thinking young girls in swimsuits can never be a bad thing.. well Mr Producer, we now have evidence that you were, in fact, wrong! And Mr. Cast-ro, 40 isn't really young you know...
In related news, all the female folk in the jungle (which includes some species of monkeys, apes and all the female adivasis there..) are keeping a safe distance from the camp.. I wonder why though.. Why are they sooo scared to tread near the celebs? Let me see that list of names again.. Akashh Deep Saigal, Aman Verma, Marrr.... Aah!! No wonder...
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Mighty Nano Happiness
10th July 2009.... Definitely amongst the most beautiful days of my life... My sister gave birth to an angel, whom i call Nano... I came up with the name Nano when I first saw a video of a sonography my sister had got done.. and boy, Nano was the best way to describe her then (Not that she is a Khali clone right now.. hehe..).. Tiny lil thing she was back then, floating around in my sister's womb.
Nano gave us all a scare, altering timelines and jumping out before schedule.. Thankfully my IT background allowed me to deal with timelines that change dramatically... And though i think that her decision to jump out came from anxiety and excitement and eagerness to meet her maama (to my angrez friends, maama is Maternal Uncle), i think she missed the plot a little, coz she spends an awful lot of time sleeping. She does wake up from time to time though.. And thats the time you should see her.. She is THE MOST interesting company you could have.. I remember chatting with her about the challenges she will have to face as she grows up, and she nodded at the end of my monologue... Here is some of it
Me: Nannnooooo.. Aee Nanoooo.....
Nano: Ubbauua
Me: You are chuch a beauchiful girl, hai na? Maama's nano na? (Damn! Whats wrong with my pronunciation???!!!")
Nano: Ubbauua
Me: Mama needs to have a word with you... Growing up now is tough though.... Er... Ever heard of an article 377?
Nano: uwaaa... (cries for a moment)
Me: Dont like the judgement huh? Good...
Nano: Ubbauua.. Naaeeccc (I think Naaeeccc is baby-ic for Nah!)
Me: I hope you getting what i am talking about
Nano: (Moves head up and down)
Now, if this is not sign of genius, what is? A 2 day old baby who is having a conversation, is well informed and is opinionated!! I think she has taken after me.... Coz she is cute, lovable, forever hungry, knows a good drink when she sees one and every girl in the room wants to kiss n cuddle her... umm... ok maybe not the last bit... but you know, she is much like maama and is maama's lil girl.. Ah, thats where the genius comes from as well i guess..
It was fun after i had taken her first ever picture.. My mom was looking at the picture and commenting
"look at the face structure... Just like Deepa (ma' sis)"
and my bro-in-law's moms like
"Look at her... exactly like Satish"
"Oh the eyes are like Deepa"
"Look, the chin is like satish!"
"Even the chin - exactly like deepa"
Both were oblivious to the other's comments and my aunt was standing bisecting these two grandmas, thouroughly confused and not knowing which side to take, lest one of the them get emotional or get down to blows... Me, well, i KNOW for a fact that looks like a very feminine version of me.. And no one (dares) argues with that :)
Right now, nano is living the life...
She drinks (milk... Interestingly enough, pepsi and stuff aint that cool right now)
She throws tantrums (she is my bhaanji, but hey she is a girl as well.. and this practice will help her some day to make a guy bend over backwards for her... So, she is in the right hands! I mean, my sis will be a wonderful mom and that sentence is to be read in isolation...)
She plays (mainly with her mama, others may stay and watch) and sleeps... Thats pretty much it!
Angel she is.. Angel! I love her
PS: Fan #1: You can give me the 'I-TOLD-YOU-SO' routine.. coz i love her soooo much, and i even dared pick her up... :)
Fan #2: Umm... If you haven't figured out yet, i have become a mama, and a congratulatory message on FB is the order of the day..
Nano gave us all a scare, altering timelines and jumping out before schedule.. Thankfully my IT background allowed me to deal with timelines that change dramatically... And though i think that her decision to jump out came from anxiety and excitement and eagerness to meet her maama (to my angrez friends, maama is Maternal Uncle), i think she missed the plot a little, coz she spends an awful lot of time sleeping. She does wake up from time to time though.. And thats the time you should see her.. She is THE MOST interesting company you could have.. I remember chatting with her about the challenges she will have to face as she grows up, and she nodded at the end of my monologue... Here is some of it
Me: Nannnooooo.. Aee Nanoooo.....
Nano: Ubbauua
Me: You are chuch a beauchiful girl, hai na? Maama's nano na? (Damn! Whats wrong with my pronunciation???!!!")
Nano: Ubbauua
Me: Mama needs to have a word with you... Growing up now is tough though.... Er... Ever heard of an article 377?
Nano: uwaaa... (cries for a moment)
Me: Dont like the judgement huh? Good...
Nano: Ubbauua.. Naaeeccc (I think Naaeeccc is baby-ic for Nah!)
Me: I hope you getting what i am talking about
Nano: (Moves head up and down)
Now, if this is not sign of genius, what is? A 2 day old baby who is having a conversation, is well informed and is opinionated!! I think she has taken after me.... Coz she is cute, lovable, forever hungry, knows a good drink when she sees one and every girl in the room wants to kiss n cuddle her... umm... ok maybe not the last bit... but you know, she is much like maama and is maama's lil girl.. Ah, thats where the genius comes from as well i guess..
It was fun after i had taken her first ever picture.. My mom was looking at the picture and commenting
"look at the face structure... Just like Deepa (ma' sis)"
and my bro-in-law's moms like
"Look at her... exactly like Satish"
"Oh the eyes are like Deepa"
"Look, the chin is like satish!"
"Even the chin - exactly like deepa"
Both were oblivious to the other's comments and my aunt was standing bisecting these two grandmas, thouroughly confused and not knowing which side to take, lest one of the them get emotional or get down to blows... Me, well, i KNOW for a fact that looks like a very feminine version of me.. And no one (dares) argues with that :)
Right now, nano is living the life...
She drinks (milk... Interestingly enough, pepsi and stuff aint that cool right now)
She throws tantrums (she is my bhaanji, but hey she is a girl as well.. and this practice will help her some day to make a guy bend over backwards for her... So, she is in the right hands! I mean, my sis will be a wonderful mom and that sentence is to be read in isolation...)
She plays (mainly with her mama, others may stay and watch) and sleeps... Thats pretty much it!
Angel she is.. Angel! I love her
PS: Fan #1: You can give me the 'I-TOLD-YOU-SO' routine.. coz i love her soooo much, and i even dared pick her up... :)
Fan #2: Umm... If you haven't figured out yet, i have become a mama, and a congratulatory message on FB is the order of the day..
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
IT Meetings
Its 9.30 AM on a Monday and the steaming hot dosas i had for breakfast have kicked in and my eyelids seem to be putting on weight. I am, of course, in a meeting.. and if you are even somewhat familiar with the concept you would appreciate that of all the things you can do in a meeting, sleeping is not one of them. Especially when there are only 4 attendees. So I am looking straight at the chair of the meeting, and thinking, Wow! this is soo not a good time to fall asleep.. But i need to do something to stay awake. Maybe i should give my body bursts of 'eyes shut' time.. Coz really, sleeping is all about blinking reaaaalllyyy slowly... But how? Umm.. Be natural Vinod.. Thats the key... Blink slowly.... Yes... Oooh.. feels so good to have my eyes shut.. Is my manager looking at me? DAMN! DAMN! HE IS.. ABORT SLEEP.. EYES OPEN.. NECK STRAIGHTEN UP!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!!
"Aila!"
Something related to the discussion Mr. Einstein!
"I mean.... Ai.. I love this approach" Brilliant!
"Ok, then you take ownership for this task"
NAHEEE!
Meetings have such a soporific effect.. and the degree of sleepiness is in direct proportion to how much trouble you will get into if you do sleep. But just to clear the air for those with a non-IT background... And to my IT brethren, I am sorry i'm letting out this closely guarded secret.. But when an IT chap is having a meeting, he is either rambling on about something others dont care a donkey's tashreef for or is doing what i described in the opening para..Basically, he is killing time.
Again, i am in a mood to share with my readers today.. So, here is a glossary of IT terms, commonly heard in meetings, and what they really mean.. You will find it handy if you are serious about one of these meetings...
1. Take a call
Usage: I had to take a call and......
This phrase is used to convey that i know as much about the topic as i do about the Economy of Somalia (About which, you can read here... :) ) and the decision making was based on the time tested Inky Pinky Ponkey method.... and here the 'Father' in question is mine, and i am his only child. Hehehe..
2. Discuss offline
Usage: I think we should discuss this offline
This is the ultimate shield available to a speaker during a meeting... Once the speaker says this, you can be sure that he has followed the link above and that he is indeed more comfortable discussing the economy of somalia than your question.
3. Take ownership
Usage: I have taken a call on this and Vinod, you take ownership
Yeah, n go where? Anyway..
This means that you are the official scapegoat... You will soon realize that the hair on the back of your neck can sway as your manager breathes down it. And when the task is finally done, you are given the chance to applaud the visionary who assigned you this task. Brilliant!
4. Doosre way mein present karna...
Usage: Ruk.. shayad tumko clarity nahi aaya.. mein doosre way mein present karta hoon
Here the doosra, much like Murali's, is something no one follows, and finally, look like jokers trying to make sense of. The speaker doesnt know what he is talking about, and any questioning of this doosra will incur the 'Discuss offline' from Pt. 2
Hmm.. there is only so much i can document.. the rest need to be experienced.. LIVE!
PS:I think that this is amongst the most brilliiant pieces of text i could have put together... coz i have so effectively conveyed the sleepy nature of meetings that i am sure that most of the readers are already asleee...zzzzzz...
"Aila!"
Something related to the discussion Mr. Einstein!
"I mean.... Ai.. I love this approach" Brilliant!
"Ok, then you take ownership for this task"
NAHEEE!
Meetings have such a soporific effect.. and the degree of sleepiness is in direct proportion to how much trouble you will get into if you do sleep. But just to clear the air for those with a non-IT background... And to my IT brethren, I am sorry i'm letting out this closely guarded secret.. But when an IT chap is having a meeting, he is either rambling on about something others dont care a donkey's tashreef for or is doing what i described in the opening para..Basically, he is killing time.
Again, i am in a mood to share with my readers today.. So, here is a glossary of IT terms, commonly heard in meetings, and what they really mean.. You will find it handy if you are serious about one of these meetings...
1. Take a call
Usage: I had to take a call and......
This phrase is used to convey that i know as much about the topic as i do about the Economy of Somalia (About which, you can read here... :) ) and the decision making was based on the time tested Inky Pinky Ponkey method.... and here the 'Father' in question is mine, and i am his only child. Hehehe..
2. Discuss offline
Usage: I think we should discuss this offline
This is the ultimate shield available to a speaker during a meeting... Once the speaker says this, you can be sure that he has followed the link above and that he is indeed more comfortable discussing the economy of somalia than your question.
3. Take ownership
Usage: I have taken a call on this and Vinod, you take ownership
Yeah, n go where? Anyway..
This means that you are the official scapegoat... You will soon realize that the hair on the back of your neck can sway as your manager breathes down it. And when the task is finally done, you are given the chance to applaud the visionary who assigned you this task. Brilliant!
4. Doosre way mein present karna...
Usage: Ruk.. shayad tumko clarity nahi aaya.. mein doosre way mein present karta hoon
Here the doosra, much like Murali's, is something no one follows, and finally, look like jokers trying to make sense of. The speaker doesnt know what he is talking about, and any questioning of this doosra will incur the 'Discuss offline' from Pt. 2
Hmm.. there is only so much i can document.. the rest need to be experienced.. LIVE!
PS:I think that this is amongst the most brilliiant pieces of text i could have put together... coz i have so effectively conveyed the sleepy nature of meetings that i am sure that most of the readers are already asleee...zzzzzz...
Thursday, July 2, 2009
News hour @ 10
So i was home early today and was feeling a little too lazy to get up and do something productive. My dad was watching one of those News Hour @ 10 kind of program. Hosted by NDTV it was i guess, and the topic for the day was the minister slapping the bank manager.
It is amazing how the media can discuss (or disguzzz from my mallu roots) something that took less than a second to execute, over a span of an entire hour. I mean really.. Here is what transpired... Only i have this shocking and exclusive audio footage.. Oh crap! I think I have ODed on news channels today!
Min: You give loan
Mgr: No
WHACK!!!
Mgr: Boo hoo
Min: Hehehehahaha
That’s all.. and yet they have their panelists in place, the anchor looks like he has been called by loan recovery agents, the same slap is being shown over and over again.. Lest people forget what a slap looks like. And i kid you not, no matter which news channel you follow, whatever be the topic, you have those few fixed stereotypical panelists:
1. Mr I-stepped-on-crap-expression (iSoce) - This chap is disgruntled. Whether you discuss Pamela Anderson, the Chandrayan mission, or the Maid-in-India case, he is always whining. umm.. Maybe whinny the pooh would have been more apt...
With Pamela, this dudes like 'Oh no.. She is always in a bikini'
Well, if a guy can complain about that, there ain't much he can't complain about.
2. Mr. Shout Indian - He just shouts.. It doesn’t really matter if anyone’s listening, or whether someone else is talking. I am sure pulling him off air is not an option.. If anything, maybe the intensity of the shouting will increase... Probably why this chap is never in the studio.... Smart asses these media guys are I tell ya!
3. Mr. Jeeves - Well, as the name Jeeves would suggest, this chap is all class and decorum. He never speaks, except for taking the name of the presenter much like this "Arnab... Arnab... Arnab... May i spee.. Arnab... Mr. Shouter... I think you should let me.. Arnab... Mr. Shouter May i please...."
4. Mr Laffs a lot - This chap contributes nothing, and is really there to entertain himself. What he does is spark off a fight between iSoce and Mr. Shout Indian.. and then all he will do is look into the camera and smile.. and smile some more when Jeeves is on the brink of tears.
The ring master in this hopeless circus of intellectual dimwits is the anchor. And again there are three types here:
The first type doesn’t know what is happening around him, and can’t control the fight. He barely keeps the panelists from coming to blows with each other, and speaks in a meek voice.
The second type is the cop – he controls the fights and no one gets hurt bad.
The third type shouts louder than Mr. Shout Indian… He works with CNN-IBN and ruptured his ear drum in a stint he had co-hosting with Rajdeep Sardesai.
It is amazing how the media can discuss (or disguzzz from my mallu roots) something that took less than a second to execute, over a span of an entire hour. I mean really.. Here is what transpired... Only i have this shocking and exclusive audio footage.. Oh crap! I think I have ODed on news channels today!
Min: You give loan
Mgr: No
WHACK!!!
Mgr: Boo hoo
Min: Hehehehahaha
That’s all.. and yet they have their panelists in place, the anchor looks like he has been called by loan recovery agents, the same slap is being shown over and over again.. Lest people forget what a slap looks like. And i kid you not, no matter which news channel you follow, whatever be the topic, you have those few fixed stereotypical panelists:
1. Mr I-stepped-on-crap-expression (iSoce) - This chap is disgruntled. Whether you discuss Pamela Anderson, the Chandrayan mission, or the Maid-in-India case, he is always whining. umm.. Maybe whinny the pooh would have been more apt...
With Pamela, this dudes like 'Oh no.. She is always in a bikini'
Well, if a guy can complain about that, there ain't much he can't complain about.
2. Mr. Shout Indian - He just shouts.. It doesn’t really matter if anyone’s listening, or whether someone else is talking. I am sure pulling him off air is not an option.. If anything, maybe the intensity of the shouting will increase... Probably why this chap is never in the studio.... Smart asses these media guys are I tell ya!
3. Mr. Jeeves - Well, as the name Jeeves would suggest, this chap is all class and decorum. He never speaks, except for taking the name of the presenter much like this "Arnab... Arnab... Arnab... May i spee.. Arnab... Mr. Shouter... I think you should let me.. Arnab... Mr. Shouter May i please...."
4. Mr Laffs a lot - This chap contributes nothing, and is really there to entertain himself. What he does is spark off a fight between iSoce and Mr. Shout Indian.. and then all he will do is look into the camera and smile.. and smile some more when Jeeves is on the brink of tears.
The ring master in this hopeless circus of intellectual dimwits is the anchor. And again there are three types here:
The first type doesn’t know what is happening around him, and can’t control the fight. He barely keeps the panelists from coming to blows with each other, and speaks in a meek voice.
The second type is the cop – he controls the fights and no one gets hurt bad.
The third type shouts louder than Mr. Shout Indian… He works with CNN-IBN and ruptured his ear drum in a stint he had co-hosting with Rajdeep Sardesai.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Pressures of having fans
Its been a good initiation into the blogging world for me. I say this not just on the basis of a feeling i have, but on the basis of hard facts. I have also taken the pains to do some number crunching-munching here. Here are the facts
1st post - 14th June
Increase in readers (%age) - 400%
Increase in fans (%age) - 200% (accommodating for those to shy to declare themselves a fan here)
Conversion from readers to fans (%age) - 50%
In the wake of such staggering statistics (which closely rival those of a certain Dead-weird Cull-them mwhahaha... whose popularity is waning into the 'twilight') I felt the need to get into shape. I have long maintained that round being a shape was good enough for me, but hey... I didn't have this kind of fan following then...
So i stood facing the mirror.. did i really need to get into shape? My shoulders.. well nice and broad... Arms.. Well, flabby a bit, but ok.. Abs... Well, let me see... Seem 6-pack... Or is that No. 7 & 8 i count there? 6-pack? 8-pack? Who am i kidding? Its more a family pack than anything else.. So, it was necessary to work out.. surely. But then, i write.. I don't pose topless on any of my blogs, and I have (been forced to adopt) strict policies about meeting fans as well. But then, there are the pressures associated with having fans, so I decided maybe it is time i visit the office gym. I made enquiries from others in the office, and went after office hours one day. I was told that the gym instructor's name was Amol.
I pulled in my tummy as far as it would go and nearly breathless, walked in nervously, changed and looked for Amol.. There is something about the name Amol that makes you visualize a short, frail chap. I avoided all the girls in the gym, went to a guy doing some serious weights, pointed at the machine and asked him "Who is Amol here" That was my way of conveying to the babes that i wasn't new here, and that i was very much the gym freak... with rock hard abs... Mr. Hercules was confused about me pointing at the machine, and gasped "There.. Green T shirt" pointing over my shoulder. I turned. "Oh my God!" (much like Janice)... A-mole? This guy is bigger than most hills you'd come across in Mumbai! He was more of A-mountain than Amole.. He was probably a small made kid; and his gym instructor made A-mountain of A-mole hill.... hehehe
I decided i should hang around, watch the others... Most were using the machines, some were streching, others doing all kinds of contortions. This one guy was looking at the cieling... He seemed unhappy with the place he was at. He finally aligned himself exactly under an AC vent and i swear to God, he targetted the AC vent which was some 15 ft above him, and started kicking ferociously. I am not sure what he was trying, but at first look, it seemed like he wanted his leg to rip off and go through the vent! 'Some sick-ass gory version of rugby prolly'
I saw Amol at a distance, and i walked toward him.. Keeping a safe distance from the Foot-in-AC-Vent guy. I surely didnt want to be the guy his leg lands on, when it does rip off.
"Hi"
"Arre hi.. bol na.. kaisa hai" a eagerly friendly tone in his voice.
Wow, i must be popular!
"You know me..." my face assuming a quite arrogant look.
"Nahi re.. Kyu?"
Damn....
"Arre nahi.. i wanted to join aaj se.. I'm Vinod"
Now suddenly all serious...
"Vinod, regular sports khelte ho?"
Yes, only EA Sports... Hehe
"Nahi"
"Regular fitness ka kuch hai?"
"No..."
"Kabhi gym gaye ho?"
"Merko dekhke kya lagta hain??"
"Hehe.. Arre nahi re.. Acha Vinod, ek kaam kar le... 6 ke speed pe 5 min walk karke 10 ke speed pe 10 mins jog kar le"
Those were the longest 15 mins in my life... I was off after 5.5 minutes.. Just to be pushed back on by my good pal Amol, yelling, "AAJ FIRST DAY PE LAGEGA TIRED..." There go all the impressed girls.
The next day i learnt a lot about my body. I realized that ab muscles did come to use each time my hand moves and that yawning can be baaa..haaad for worked out biceps....
Much of this is cooked up (Ladies - especially about my abs not being in shape)... But I am unable to come up with anything else today.. and yes, pressured as I am by my fans, i need to keep the posts coming. Fact is I have been going to my office gym infrequently for some time now... But one look at me, and you'll realize that i dont get much working out done there.
1st post - 14th June
Increase in readers (%age) - 400%
Increase in fans (%age) - 200% (accommodating for those to shy to declare themselves a fan here)
Conversion from readers to fans (%age) - 50%
In the wake of such staggering statistics (which closely rival those of a certain Dead-weird Cull-them mwhahaha... whose popularity is waning into the 'twilight') I felt the need to get into shape. I have long maintained that round being a shape was good enough for me, but hey... I didn't have this kind of fan following then...
So i stood facing the mirror.. did i really need to get into shape? My shoulders.. well nice and broad... Arms.. Well, flabby a bit, but ok.. Abs... Well, let me see... Seem 6-pack... Or is that No. 7 & 8 i count there? 6-pack? 8-pack? Who am i kidding? Its more a family pack than anything else.. So, it was necessary to work out.. surely. But then, i write.. I don't pose topless on any of my blogs, and I have (been forced to adopt) strict policies about meeting fans as well. But then, there are the pressures associated with having fans, so I decided maybe it is time i visit the office gym. I made enquiries from others in the office, and went after office hours one day. I was told that the gym instructor's name was Amol.
I pulled in my tummy as far as it would go and nearly breathless, walked in nervously, changed and looked for Amol.. There is something about the name Amol that makes you visualize a short, frail chap. I avoided all the girls in the gym, went to a guy doing some serious weights, pointed at the machine and asked him "Who is Amol here" That was my way of conveying to the babes that i wasn't new here, and that i was very much the gym freak... with rock hard abs... Mr. Hercules was confused about me pointing at the machine, and gasped "There.. Green T shirt" pointing over my shoulder. I turned. "Oh my God!" (much like Janice)... A-mole? This guy is bigger than most hills you'd come across in Mumbai! He was more of A-mountain than Amole.. He was probably a small made kid; and his gym instructor made A-mountain of A-mole hill.... hehehe
I decided i should hang around, watch the others... Most were using the machines, some were streching, others doing all kinds of contortions. This one guy was looking at the cieling... He seemed unhappy with the place he was at. He finally aligned himself exactly under an AC vent and i swear to God, he targetted the AC vent which was some 15 ft above him, and started kicking ferociously. I am not sure what he was trying, but at first look, it seemed like he wanted his leg to rip off and go through the vent! 'Some sick-ass gory version of rugby prolly'
I saw Amol at a distance, and i walked toward him.. Keeping a safe distance from the Foot-in-AC-Vent guy. I surely didnt want to be the guy his leg lands on, when it does rip off.
"Hi"
"Arre hi.. bol na.. kaisa hai" a eagerly friendly tone in his voice.
Wow, i must be popular!
"You know me..." my face assuming a quite arrogant look.
"Nahi re.. Kyu?"
Damn....
"Arre nahi.. i wanted to join aaj se.. I'm Vinod"
Now suddenly all serious...
"Vinod, regular sports khelte ho?"
Yes, only EA Sports... Hehe
"Nahi"
"Regular fitness ka kuch hai?"
"No..."
"Kabhi gym gaye ho?"
"Merko dekhke kya lagta hain??"
"Hehe.. Arre nahi re.. Acha Vinod, ek kaam kar le... 6 ke speed pe 5 min walk karke 10 ke speed pe 10 mins jog kar le"
Those were the longest 15 mins in my life... I was off after 5.5 minutes.. Just to be pushed back on by my good pal Amol, yelling, "AAJ FIRST DAY PE LAGEGA TIRED..." There go all the impressed girls.
The next day i learnt a lot about my body. I realized that ab muscles did come to use each time my hand moves and that yawning can be baaa..haaad for worked out biceps....
Much of this is cooked up (Ladies - especially about my abs not being in shape)... But I am unable to come up with anything else today.. and yes, pressured as I am by my fans, i need to keep the posts coming. Fact is I have been going to my office gym infrequently for some time now... But one look at me, and you'll realize that i dont get much working out done there.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Blood Donation...
Its been some days since i put up a post and my 'Only Fan' was quick to point that out to me. Now, no one wants to disappoint a fan, more so if you have only one.
My company had a blood donation drive recently. And my 'paap ka ghada' filling quickly was reason enough to convince me. Plus it was for kids suffering from Thalassemia. The first day of the drive was encouraging, but i was busy with a client meeting so wasn't able to go. Few colleagues did go, and some had some interesting stories to share.
Now let me be honest... I have never donated anything that my body produces.. and so, I may have been just a little (teeny weeny bit) nervous about this whole exercise. I entered the hall where the drive was going on. I filled out the forms and was told to meet a Mr. X-kar (i don't remember the first part of that.. I remember the kar though... coz i kept repeating that bit to myself)
This kar-man was a grumpy guy.. with a rather disgruntled face. He looked up at me "Khoon dena hai?" No interestingly enough, i am here to steal a few bottles. "Yes, i wish to volunteer for the drive happening"
Yes Vinod, this is the guy you should jhaado english on "Hmm.." Pointing to a weighing scale. Now let me present my predicament to you.. Behind me is this babe.. oh no.. not just a babe, a BABE... and she is eagerly observing my every action. And now, i had to stand on a scale!! So, i stood there.. I said "I'm 75 Kgs" Quick presence of mind saves the day.. kudos! "Aisa nahi chalenga.. khade raho..."
DAMN! I tried my level best to hide the reading with my toes (yeah, i know that wasn't smart.. but i panicked!).. 85 Kgs! I looked apologetically at the BABE. Meanwhile kar-man stuck out his hand like he was gonna shake it. I thought well, thats the least he can do.. After all I am donating arguably the most precious fluid in my OUCH!!! I saw him withdrawing what looked like a very questionable tack and then squeezing blood out of me. "Thats strange. Is this all they need? Ah, i was panicking for no reason" He dropped it into a solution and said.. "Udhar lett jao" "Nahi, mein theek hoon.. I can leave" "Arre yeh test hai sirffff"
So i knew for a fact now that the ordeal was not over. A doctor came up to me, "Nervous?" reading 'donating for first time :)' in my form. Oh no doc, usually when i wanna calm myself, i get people i dont know to poke 6 inch needles into me. But ego... " Nah! I've had multiple surgeries on me" Now just as i said this, the guy next to me, who had donated, rested and was now ready to leave, collapsed. Wow, seeing someone collapse doing what you are going to do does wonders for the heart beat. If you part of the medical fraternity, pls note this. The doc comes back, checks my BP "150! Itna high..." I'm like damn! I knew nothing good could come out of this. I'm sure my BP went up a notch or two just thinking of how many types of food i will have to cut down on, if i do have a BP problem. He made me lie down and asked me to stay calm. Yeah dude, didnt you see that guy collapse? Show me some more of that.. That oughta calm me! Bam! One more girl down... "What do you do to calm yourself normally?" Well, I dont donate blood for starters!! And i definitely dont lie on a cot that can barely support my wt.. He comes back after an age, checks and says "Now we ready to draw blood. You need a while? No? Ok." 'Draw Blood?' Are you planning to settle an old score? Did i hit on ur sister bro? Coz i didnt mean to.. Promise... He brought out that monstrosity of a needle again. After getting the blood pressure thingy tightly around my arm, he rubbed something into my forearm and said "Now, this needle I am going to put through here..." and bring out of my shoulder??!! Its too big. I was about to lodge a complaint about the size of the needle but i swear to God... that huge thing was in me in a flash.. Sucking out blood... Felt nice at that time. My right palm was sweaty and going numb... But i knew i was doing something nice. When i stood up, i didnt feel weak or giddy. I helped myself to biscuits and tea. Meanwhile, the puncture that monster sized needle made was still oozing blood. I went to the doc and showed it to him. "Its normal. You need to sit with this swab pressed against it... Hey in fact, since your bleeding hasnt stopped, how if we collect it in another bag? hehe.." "No doc.. I need to leave something for my manager..."
Donating blood was amongst the most satisfying things i have done.. and i am sure i will many more times. :)
My company had a blood donation drive recently. And my 'paap ka ghada' filling quickly was reason enough to convince me. Plus it was for kids suffering from Thalassemia. The first day of the drive was encouraging, but i was busy with a client meeting so wasn't able to go. Few colleagues did go, and some had some interesting stories to share.
Now let me be honest... I have never donated anything that my body produces.. and so, I may have been just a little (teeny weeny bit) nervous about this whole exercise. I entered the hall where the drive was going on. I filled out the forms and was told to meet a Mr. X-kar (i don't remember the first part of that.. I remember the kar though... coz i kept repeating that bit to myself)
This kar-man was a grumpy guy.. with a rather disgruntled face. He looked up at me "Khoon dena hai?" No interestingly enough, i am here to steal a few bottles. "Yes, i wish to volunteer for the drive happening"
Yes Vinod, this is the guy you should jhaado english on "Hmm.." Pointing to a weighing scale. Now let me present my predicament to you.. Behind me is this babe.. oh no.. not just a babe, a BABE... and she is eagerly observing my every action. And now, i had to stand on a scale!! So, i stood there.. I said "I'm 75 Kgs" Quick presence of mind saves the day.. kudos! "Aisa nahi chalenga.. khade raho..."
DAMN! I tried my level best to hide the reading with my toes (yeah, i know that wasn't smart.. but i panicked!).. 85 Kgs! I looked apologetically at the BABE. Meanwhile kar-man stuck out his hand like he was gonna shake it. I thought well, thats the least he can do.. After all I am donating arguably the most precious fluid in my OUCH!!! I saw him withdrawing what looked like a very questionable tack and then squeezing blood out of me. "Thats strange. Is this all they need? Ah, i was panicking for no reason" He dropped it into a solution and said.. "Udhar lett jao" "Nahi, mein theek hoon.. I can leave" "Arre yeh test hai sirffff"
So i knew for a fact now that the ordeal was not over. A doctor came up to me, "Nervous?" reading 'donating for first time :)' in my form. Oh no doc, usually when i wanna calm myself, i get people i dont know to poke 6 inch needles into me. But ego... " Nah! I've had multiple surgeries on me" Now just as i said this, the guy next to me, who had donated, rested and was now ready to leave, collapsed. Wow, seeing someone collapse doing what you are going to do does wonders for the heart beat. If you part of the medical fraternity, pls note this. The doc comes back, checks my BP "150! Itna high..." I'm like damn! I knew nothing good could come out of this. I'm sure my BP went up a notch or two just thinking of how many types of food i will have to cut down on, if i do have a BP problem. He made me lie down and asked me to stay calm. Yeah dude, didnt you see that guy collapse? Show me some more of that.. That oughta calm me! Bam! One more girl down... "What do you do to calm yourself normally?" Well, I dont donate blood for starters!! And i definitely dont lie on a cot that can barely support my wt.. He comes back after an age, checks and says "Now we ready to draw blood. You need a while? No? Ok." 'Draw Blood?' Are you planning to settle an old score? Did i hit on ur sister bro? Coz i didnt mean to.. Promise... He brought out that monstrosity of a needle again. After getting the blood pressure thingy tightly around my arm, he rubbed something into my forearm and said "Now, this needle I am going to put through here..." and bring out of my shoulder??!! Its too big. I was about to lodge a complaint about the size of the needle but i swear to God... that huge thing was in me in a flash.. Sucking out blood... Felt nice at that time. My right palm was sweaty and going numb... But i knew i was doing something nice. When i stood up, i didnt feel weak or giddy. I helped myself to biscuits and tea. Meanwhile, the puncture that monster sized needle made was still oozing blood. I went to the doc and showed it to him. "Its normal. You need to sit with this swab pressed against it... Hey in fact, since your bleeding hasnt stopped, how if we collect it in another bag? hehe.." "No doc.. I need to leave something for my manager..."
Donating blood was amongst the most satisfying things i have done.. and i am sure i will many more times. :)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Never MET Office..
I remember reading in the papers sometime in May that we will have early monsoons this year.. and coupled with lavish doses of the tide as well. I was one of the ppl stranded during the deluge and didn't want to be caught unprepared this time around. So i went out to the market straight to this shop that always is the first to come up with rain gear. As i watched ppl around me, i smirked.. "Smart chap VInod! You are sooo gonna be prepared.. and while all these guys look like bafoons when the rain catches them by surprise, you'll be nice n dry, going 'naanananaanaa' looking at them getting wet!! Haha SUCKERS!" I was armed with my list - things you need for a normal monsoon in Mumbai... Umbrella.. check... Windcheater.. check... Monsoon slippers.. check... Life Jacket.. check... Speed Boat.. check...
Well I must say, my speedboat and I have been let down by the MET department.. BADLY! Every forecast turned out wrong!These MET guys must be the most lousy with their luck. Ppl with such bad luck, that they'd fall off a plane.. bounce off a cactus, smash into a palm tree and then get run over by a camel stampede, inches away from a water reservoir! The only good thing about them is that their glorious track record notwithstanding, they are eternal optimists.. Thats one way to spot one of them on the road.. If the report says rain, and if some joker is carrying an umbrella and looking at the sky with worry writ large on his face, u can be sure, he was part of the grp that wrote it. And while no one cares for their el ninos and ninas, they work with a missionary zeal, to produce the most widely read piece of daily fiction known to man.
I think the rain-gods are having fun with these poor chaps. You know.. you travelling home from work, its really overcast.. that cool breeze blowing as well... and somewhere, the MET office fellow is scampering back to his office. Clearly, the 'bright and sunny with no cloud cover" has gone for a toss. Gets into his office, puts on his PC, types "possible light showers", posts it, begins to leave.. and then feels, look at the cloud cover, we gonna have a downpour that'll put Cherrapunji to shame.. So the guy logs on again, corrects his forecast to "heavy to very heavy showers". Smile on his face, he looks out of the window, winks to the skies, and leaves. "How smart am I!" he chuckles.. Now, by this time, the rain gods (and allied forces) are all over Indira's court, rolling in laughter.. Few of them are laffing so hard that a few drops of rain fall. (I counted 10 once, and then 4 the next day... The joke must be getting stale)
Forecast or no forecast.. I do hope it starts to rain... On the double. Hey you in the 'Rain Gods and other Celestial Beings Association', the joke on the MET guy is stale.. so can we have some rain please?
Well I must say, my speedboat and I have been let down by the MET department.. BADLY! Every forecast turned out wrong!These MET guys must be the most lousy with their luck. Ppl with such bad luck, that they'd fall off a plane.. bounce off a cactus, smash into a palm tree and then get run over by a camel stampede, inches away from a water reservoir! The only good thing about them is that their glorious track record notwithstanding, they are eternal optimists.. Thats one way to spot one of them on the road.. If the report says rain, and if some joker is carrying an umbrella and looking at the sky with worry writ large on his face, u can be sure, he was part of the grp that wrote it. And while no one cares for their el ninos and ninas, they work with a missionary zeal, to produce the most widely read piece of daily fiction known to man.
I think the rain-gods are having fun with these poor chaps. You know.. you travelling home from work, its really overcast.. that cool breeze blowing as well... and somewhere, the MET office fellow is scampering back to his office. Clearly, the 'bright and sunny with no cloud cover" has gone for a toss. Gets into his office, puts on his PC, types "possible light showers", posts it, begins to leave.. and then feels, look at the cloud cover, we gonna have a downpour that'll put Cherrapunji to shame.. So the guy logs on again, corrects his forecast to "heavy to very heavy showers". Smile on his face, he looks out of the window, winks to the skies, and leaves. "How smart am I!" he chuckles.. Now, by this time, the rain gods (and allied forces) are all over Indira's court, rolling in laughter.. Few of them are laffing so hard that a few drops of rain fall. (I counted 10 once, and then 4 the next day... The joke must be getting stale)
Forecast or no forecast.. I do hope it starts to rain... On the double. Hey you in the 'Rain Gods and other Celestial Beings Association', the joke on the MET guy is stale.. so can we have some rain please?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Patriotism....
Its always been heartening to see people around me being so patriotic. It fills me with pride to see that 54 yrs since Independance, people are still charged against the 'angrez'.. and true to the Indian way-of-life, we find interesting ways to achieve the things we set out to. Read on.. I'll tell you what i mean.
The englishmen were (and are) really proud of their language.. and the smart-ass Indian knows it. So the way we get back at them is we take their language, and make it bend over! I was in office some days back... This guy, face red with anger... highly animated.. was yelling into his phone "Yes, i am expecting!! Terko yeh delivery kal karna padega, kyunki me and the client are expecting!" Expecting? That explains why he is soo pissed. I'd have collapsed, not just been pissed, if i found out i was expecting. And throw in your typical IT jargon 'delivery' into that sentence and boy!! I dont know how the guy at the other end didnt laff. And this chap took the intiative to declare his client pregnant as well!! Well, guys do deliver kids these days, and i assumed he wasn't talking to his doc. But bro, if you were, i think he is pissed and is gonna have his revenge in the OT..
There are certain other gems that come out from time to time, and i happen to have the uncanny knack of being in the august company of these highly patriotic people. And amidst 'removing tickets' and 'returning back' i battle to stay er.. unpatriotic (only in this sense). I was to go with a colleague for a party he was throwing, and i was assigned the task of picking the venue. While discussing the budget, he says "Arre budget is a limit merko... Lets keep at 200 bugs per person" WHAT!! Dude, what is your plan? To take us to Ripley's believe it or not???!!! 200 bugs per person? Please count me out mate.. i think my apetite is gone! Another friend of mine, rocking chap, has 'packs' when everyone else is having pegs... And he says it with such authority, if it weren't for my confidence in the word, i would be having packs too..
Oh boy, so much written and no mention of playing with the pronunciations.. I think that should be reserved for another day.. Right now, i am watching the ad of Mrooti Steam and also, its dinner time now... So gtg
The englishmen were (and are) really proud of their language.. and the smart-ass Indian knows it. So the way we get back at them is we take their language, and make it bend over! I was in office some days back... This guy, face red with anger... highly animated.. was yelling into his phone "Yes, i am expecting!! Terko yeh delivery kal karna padega, kyunki me and the client are expecting!" Expecting? That explains why he is soo pissed. I'd have collapsed, not just been pissed, if i found out i was expecting. And throw in your typical IT jargon 'delivery' into that sentence and boy!! I dont know how the guy at the other end didnt laff. And this chap took the intiative to declare his client pregnant as well!! Well, guys do deliver kids these days, and i assumed he wasn't talking to his doc. But bro, if you were, i think he is pissed and is gonna have his revenge in the OT..
There are certain other gems that come out from time to time, and i happen to have the uncanny knack of being in the august company of these highly patriotic people. And amidst 'removing tickets' and 'returning back' i battle to stay er.. unpatriotic (only in this sense). I was to go with a colleague for a party he was throwing, and i was assigned the task of picking the venue. While discussing the budget, he says "Arre budget is a limit merko... Lets keep at 200 bugs per person" WHAT!! Dude, what is your plan? To take us to Ripley's believe it or not???!!! 200 bugs per person? Please count me out mate.. i think my apetite is gone! Another friend of mine, rocking chap, has 'packs' when everyone else is having pegs... And he says it with such authority, if it weren't for my confidence in the word, i would be having packs too..
Oh boy, so much written and no mention of playing with the pronunciations.. I think that should be reserved for another day.. Right now, i am watching the ad of Mrooti Steam and also, its dinner time now... So gtg
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Serious Today...
As the fire inside me burns out, and then begins to die,
Weeping eyes surround me, askin You the question why!
Look at them they weep and sob, their tears upon my grave
And as they speak of me fondly, they call me loving and brave
My ears are failing me now, the voices come from afar
And my mind wanders into a delusion, my rationale losing power
I dream of happier times now, of no anger and no scorn
Of this delusion grippin me now, i am but a helpless pawn
"The lights mom" i cry out, "what or who is turning them dim?"
"You are closing your eyes on me son, u are going back to Him..
And the dreams you see beseech you, all joy soon at your feet"
And saying this she cries out, a heart wrenching weep
A lump in my throat i realize, i wanted to call out a name
But the demons of death are brutes, impossible are they to tame
As my eyes start closing slowly, my heart begins to cry
"Oh dear friend, where are you? I haven't said good-bye!"
My eyes, now dead, are closed... the voices no more there
Just a deafening silence surrounds me, and darkness everywhere
I pray to Thee forgive me, as my soul begins to rise
I see them all again now, n i see my own shut eyes..
From parents who have lost a son, their little bundle of joy
To an uncle who once gave his nephew, his favorite little toy
A friend, who was always more than that, weeps on my body there
And a few flock to show grief, when they really dont even care.
Weeping eyes surround me, askin You the question why!
Look at them they weep and sob, their tears upon my grave
And as they speak of me fondly, they call me loving and brave
My ears are failing me now, the voices come from afar
And my mind wanders into a delusion, my rationale losing power
I dream of happier times now, of no anger and no scorn
Of this delusion grippin me now, i am but a helpless pawn
"The lights mom" i cry out, "what or who is turning them dim?"
"You are closing your eyes on me son, u are going back to Him..
And the dreams you see beseech you, all joy soon at your feet"
And saying this she cries out, a heart wrenching weep
A lump in my throat i realize, i wanted to call out a name
But the demons of death are brutes, impossible are they to tame
As my eyes start closing slowly, my heart begins to cry
"Oh dear friend, where are you? I haven't said good-bye!"
My eyes, now dead, are closed... the voices no more there
Just a deafening silence surrounds me, and darkness everywhere
I pray to Thee forgive me, as my soul begins to rise
I see them all again now, n i see my own shut eyes..
From parents who have lost a son, their little bundle of joy
To an uncle who once gave his nephew, his favorite little toy
A friend, who was always more than that, weeps on my body there
And a few flock to show grief, when they really dont even care.
Monday, June 15, 2009
MSDed the Cup
I am amongst the unfortunate few to have seen the Blue Brigade getting battered into the Black and Blue brigade... N yes, the news channels are smacking their lips. I'm pretty sure that some of them were salivating at the mere thought of this... N now to have this happen, must be feeling orgasmic. Thats the really unfortunate part of cricket in India.. God one day, and god-in-reverse the other.
I really like the appear-disappear routine some of these er... 'experts' have mastered over time. Rohan Gavaskar for eg, dunno how he was pulled out of the deep freezer.. He still had frost on him as he spoke abt the debacle. It was hillarious to hear him speak of batting... shaking off the frost and shivering from time to time... and then mumbling "yeah, it was shoddy.. Look at my pa, take a lesson or two in scoring quickly!"
But watching them debate for a long time abt where India went wrong, i realized they have all got it wrong.. They are all overlooking some key pts, which I have picked up (hehehuhuhaha!!)
1. Hair yesterday, gone today
There was something abt Dhoni and his mane (and i dont mean 'men' from a gujju's vocab) that made him look like Conan the Barbarian.. and really.. sans his long locks he jst looks like a timid mama's boy, and even the cheerleaders fancied a bowl against him. I mean, the moment Dhoni got rid of his hair, he knew wat was coming.. He was soon bending spoons while an old lady bends a tawa, having running races with girls (and losing), skipping practice to be on Facebook and getting his tummy worked up with overdoses of Lays.. Now, i do realize that all this advertising is very much part and parcel of the game. But tell me, if it werent for an inckling of wat was to come, would he be doing ads for PSPO?? Huh? see the point.. Desperation! He knws his charm is gone and there aint nothing he can do about it!
2. Nike:
When the guys at Nike said they'd give us the jerseys, no one signed up to look like a bunch of ma-kis (can't say monkey, coz for some reason, monkey is identified as a human race, and hence is racist!) Other than species of ma-kis, i cant remember seeing anything... anything with a prominently bright coloured posterior... Part of the reason that the batsmen were in a hurry to get out was the constant giggling from square leg. After all, an umpire cant stay serious all the time! I remember seeing them the first time in that and laughin out "hehehehe! orange undies! and his trousers are torn!!!" and then to my horror, i found INDIA on that orange piece of crap, and worse.. THERE WAS NO TEAR!
3. Lashkar and ISI:
No, i can't think of the reason, but arent they always responsible for everything wrong that happens to or in India?
Now, real reason for the debacle is blah blah blum bumble bumble and also some more bumble bumble.. No one needs that! We lost and thats it!
Hmm... this blog felt like a warm shower on a cold winter evening.. Nah! i cant relate to that... It felt like having pani puri at Elco.. Oh, elco... yummm!
I really like the appear-disappear routine some of these er... 'experts' have mastered over time. Rohan Gavaskar for eg, dunno how he was pulled out of the deep freezer.. He still had frost on him as he spoke abt the debacle. It was hillarious to hear him speak of batting... shaking off the frost and shivering from time to time... and then mumbling "yeah, it was shoddy.. Look at my pa, take a lesson or two in scoring quickly!"
But watching them debate for a long time abt where India went wrong, i realized they have all got it wrong.. They are all overlooking some key pts, which I have picked up (hehehuhuhaha!!)
1. Hair yesterday, gone today
There was something abt Dhoni and his mane (and i dont mean 'men' from a gujju's vocab) that made him look like Conan the Barbarian.. and really.. sans his long locks he jst looks like a timid mama's boy, and even the cheerleaders fancied a bowl against him. I mean, the moment Dhoni got rid of his hair, he knew wat was coming.. He was soon bending spoons while an old lady bends a tawa, having running races with girls (and losing), skipping practice to be on Facebook and getting his tummy worked up with overdoses of Lays.. Now, i do realize that all this advertising is very much part and parcel of the game. But tell me, if it werent for an inckling of wat was to come, would he be doing ads for PSPO?? Huh? see the point.. Desperation! He knws his charm is gone and there aint nothing he can do about it!
2. Nike:
When the guys at Nike said they'd give us the jerseys, no one signed up to look like a bunch of ma-kis (can't say monkey, coz for some reason, monkey is identified as a human race, and hence is racist!) Other than species of ma-kis, i cant remember seeing anything... anything with a prominently bright coloured posterior... Part of the reason that the batsmen were in a hurry to get out was the constant giggling from square leg. After all, an umpire cant stay serious all the time! I remember seeing them the first time in that and laughin out "hehehehe! orange undies! and his trousers are torn!!!" and then to my horror, i found INDIA on that orange piece of crap, and worse.. THERE WAS NO TEAR!
3. Lashkar and ISI:
No, i can't think of the reason, but arent they always responsible for everything wrong that happens to or in India?
Now, real reason for the debacle is blah blah blum bumble bumble and also some more bumble bumble.. No one needs that! We lost and thats it!
Hmm... this blog felt like a warm shower on a cold winter evening.. Nah! i cant relate to that... It felt like having pani puri at Elco.. Oh, elco... yummm!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Once upon a time....
Umm... Never blogged earlier and starting to do so just makes me a feel a lil dull really... Not that i am the brightest around... But i'm rarely short of topics ... N now, this predicament... Imagine! 24 yrs of existence and not one topic with which i can open this blog.. Maybe its a writer's bloc.. No wait, i dont think i qualify... I need to be a writer for that first..
Working for an IT company has many sides to it... One the one hand, it helps India's population crisis with the liberal use of them lil boy-killers (lil boys aka cell propelled by a single flagellum, found in most animals).. The laptops... and if you are amongst the lucky ones who dont need to use a laptop for work, then the long hours will surely bust your back.. Well, thats a pretty good mechanism to control the population as well, if you ask me. But then, there is also money, the lure of an 'on-site'... Theres this guy i work with.. He joined this project i am in shortly after he was born and the first words the management spoke into his ears was onsite.. Poor chap... he's been slogging his tashreef off since.. Forget about going outside the country, he hasnt even gone outside Mumbai in the last 3 yrs.. lol... and its the same thing thats said to him everytime.. "Look, you gonna be onsite soon... so lets get this finished... and this as well.. and while you are at it, maybe u'd like to do a couple of back-flips for me and jump through this hoop as well"!! Poor chap!
I think this would do for a first post... And, to my only fan.. Pls keep in mind this is my first time... Oh my god.. tht sounds bad :).. okay anyway.. u get the idea...
Working for an IT company has many sides to it... One the one hand, it helps India's population crisis with the liberal use of them lil boy-killers (lil boys aka cell propelled by a single flagellum, found in most animals).. The laptops... and if you are amongst the lucky ones who dont need to use a laptop for work, then the long hours will surely bust your back.. Well, thats a pretty good mechanism to control the population as well, if you ask me. But then, there is also money, the lure of an 'on-site'... Theres this guy i work with.. He joined this project i am in shortly after he was born and the first words the management spoke into his ears was onsite.. Poor chap... he's been slogging his tashreef off since.. Forget about going outside the country, he hasnt even gone outside Mumbai in the last 3 yrs.. lol... and its the same thing thats said to him everytime.. "Look, you gonna be onsite soon... so lets get this finished... and this as well.. and while you are at it, maybe u'd like to do a couple of back-flips for me and jump through this hoop as well"!! Poor chap!
I think this would do for a first post... And, to my only fan.. Pls keep in mind this is my first time... Oh my god.. tht sounds bad :).. okay anyway.. u get the idea...
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